soul

 
I wish I was never conscious to your presence
never understanding of your love
you gave it to me and then took it back
I wish you have left me in the dark

my anxiety was crippling
but it was better than a broken heart
now I pick myself off the floor
a dull ache in my chest
you don't believe in me anymore
not that you really ever did

I knew the reality of me and you would never mix
but I held on to the fairytale
like an innocent would
in an uncertain world it was beautiful to carry a secret
a secret love that was special

I'd been loved by addicts and thieves
that someone honest loved me made me feel like a Queen
so I hid you deep inside me with my soul
showed you her and much more

I let you know who I was down deep
that you cared meant everything to me
my insanity would howl and still, you stood by me
it was a sacred bond, I understand

I feel a new fascination has taken you
it hurts this thought
I need you still where bone and blood fail
in my hollow spaces
where I am a woman nothing more,

then a memory now