What Have I Learned?

Twenty-six years ago, a tutoring session with a classmate
veered from the topic of math. Since then, there have been
times when my love life was like a high desert, empty and cold.
There have been times of binging as well as I tried to
cushion the blunt edges of life.
 
What have I learned so far?
 
I’ve learned that with some men, sex was an obligation and expectation.
At other times, making love was a privilege and a gift.
 
I wish I could recover the thoughts that buzzed in my mind
on those journeys of self-discovery.
Did hearts break or mend in those moments of joining?
Did longings and questions remain when bodies at last fell apart?
If souls exist, did they grow or shrink from those joinings?
Some of these questions are why I write. Some of these questions
are why I still love.  
 
When I die, I hope I’ll be remembered
by some of those I’ve loved.