Sober Joke

Somehow I have trampled through these last few months
Feeling crazier than I've ever been
With the latest dear-God-why-did-I-do-that's
Haunting me every night and day.

The drugs are no longer my scapegoat;
I'm left with the sad state of my being
That is ass backward and selfish,
Seemingly forever stuck in my ways.

I'm still on an island that feels ever so familiar.
Like the solitude is all I've ever known.
Anger and paranoia shoot like badly aimed javelins
Hurled at the ones I claim to love and adore.

"I don't fucking need you," I scream at the blackness,
Until I realize no one can hear me.
No one reaches out, not even to scold me.
The shore is littered with remnants of all the hearts I've scorned.