Sister Venus’ Tantric Aloe

Sister Venus’ Tantric Aloe

One night John’s sister tells him,  
“I’m concerned about your sleep patterns.  
I hear your bed creaking like a trampoline  
in need of grease at three in the morning.  
This isn’t a normal sister and brother discussion  
But Papa fell in love with foreign commerce.  
And Mom is a teetotaler who only talks Jesus  
So it is up to me to give you sex education  
It is in incumbent upon me to tell you  
to stop muh muhing your mosher at midnight.”  
“What are you talking about Sis?”  
“Do I have to spell it out for you?  
You know exactly what I’m talking about.  
You don’t have to educate me about  
how grown up you are at the age of eighteen  
but do it before midnight.  
I’m sure your sea cucumber will understand.”  
“There you go again  
with that weird terminology, Sis.”  
“How do I explain to Ms. Eva,  
the truancy officer, Why Mom is out of the loop  
And why your sleep flew away  
like a witch on her broom  
making you late for class?  
I am the only person mature enough  
To be the head of the household  
Or act as your guardian which I am  
The sister biz ain’t always a class act.  
I’m trying my best  
to keep as much dignity as possible.  
And if you ask me, not that you would,  
I’m doing a darn good job.”    
“Tell her I burned the midnight oil studying.  
It will sound better  
that my insomnia had an educational purpose.  
You wouldn’t be fibbing.  
You’d be surprised at the vocabulary  
I build with those books.”  
“Yeah right, the seven words  
you can’t say on TV.”  
 
His sister collected herself  
into her signature hennish poise.  
“Please for my sake don’t use your underwear. That gets messy and icky for me  
Since I am the appointed maid of the house.”  
 John replies,  
“It all comes out in the wash, pardon the pun.”  
 
She says, “Your nocturnal athleticism  
is a good aerobic workout  
but getting all sweaty under the sheets  
just makes you need a shower  
when sleep flies away like a witch on her broom.”  
“My tardy slips aren’t that frequent.  
If you are concerned  
just consult my homeroom teacher.  
But please don’t tell them why you are snooping.”  
“Listen, I can fully understand  
how when you come home from a long day  
of mind-bending geometry, calculus, or physics  
you need a way to release the tension.  
But trust me solo bed exercise  
will desensitize you to female companionship.”  
“How do you know?”  
“I’ve dealt with men in similar pickles.  
I hope you’re using a lubricant.  
For me to accompany you to the doctor  
for chafing would be mortifying.  
I’ve noticed the Vaseline jar  
getting depleted each week.  
But petroleum jelly is gooey.”  
“Sis, I’m not an expert on lotions.”  
 “You can use the aloe and grape seed mixture  
I use for my facials. They will moisturize your skin which is so sensitive down there.  
But don’t douse yourself with it.  
The stuff is expensive  
and a little goes a long way.”  
“The correct proportion of aloe to oil  
sounds tricky.”  
“I’ll demonstrate the proper blend for you.  
But don’t expect me to buy your reading material, not even for your birthday.  
I hardly know what you’re into  
and it is none of my business. God I hope  
I didn’t shame you  
by putting on my hat as a sex educator.”  
   
She takes a jar of Shea butter off the shelf  
and opens it  
She uses her hand  
to spread it around her index finger  
with slow deliberate strokes.  
She asks her brother, “On that subject,  
have you tried this stuff for your knobby?  
We can’t have you getting blisters down there.”  
 “I would stop before that happens.”  
“Based on the squeaky spring noise  
I’d say your habit is more of a compulsion  
than one you can control.”  
“Please, give me a vote of confidence.”  
“I have complete faith in you  
except with this one thing  
which you obviously need help with  
given the prolonged racket at night.”  
He replies, “If you must let’s get this over with.”  
“Now back to the Shea.  
It is one of nature’s moisturizers.  
Not only is it good for those special moments  
it leaves your skin soft and smooth afterward.  
But hey I don’t have one so can’t say  
which is best. I want you to tell me  
which works well for you.  
Come on don’t be embarrassed.  
You have nothing to be ashamed about.”  
“Truthfully Sis, the butter is a bit thick  
for my purposes. Aloe outperforms them all.  
But coconut oil is a champ.  
But olive oil is made for marathon runs.”  
“When you speak of the runner’s stamina  
olive oil provides my ears perk up.  
Olive oil applied  
topically prevents skin cancer.  
This is because of its powerful antioxidants  
that reduce inflammation  
and reduce DNA damage.  
You’ll need that equipment  
as the source of recreation if not procreation.”  
“Long live him down below.”  
 
“Cheers brother. But there is another suggestion.  
Would you consider using avocado oil,  
extracted from the pulp,  
as part of your celebration of youth?  
It is a nourishing antioxidant  
that may add years of health and vitality  
down there.”  
“After that sales pitch  
how could I turn you down?”  
   
“While we’re at it  
you would do well to use almond oil.  
It could be a miracle for your aging cucumber.”  
“Sis I am only 18.  
I have a long way to go before my skin gets old.”  
“You could get premature wrinkles.  
It happens in the most surprising places.  
I can’t have my brother looking aged  
before his lady love.”  
“I’m sure this hypothetical lady will understand  
and not obsess over minutia.”  
“Just one more of my home remedies to consider. Oat extract as an after-session skin soother.  
It does wonders with irritated skin.  
It even helps with allergies.”  
He replies,  
“You’ve covered the whole alphabet  
of moisturizers.”  
 
“Time to take a trip to Sweden little brother.  
Tonight I am your masseuse.  
I can see you got squeamish from all this sex talk  
So get naked and lay down bottoms up.”  
“What if I get turned on?”  
“That would be a compliment to me.  
Would tell me all massage academy tuition  
Could pay off.”  
“Would my bottom be off limits?”  
“Consensual is the magic word.  
So you get your tushie rubbed.”  
“Since you are a professional it sounds great.”  
“Oh heck I am licensed for massage  
Statewide.”  
“Sounds legit to me. I can brag  
To my classmates that I got massaged  
From my very own sister.”  
“You can boast from here to Alaska.”  
“Do I leave my briefs on?”  
“Draping isn’t required in Texas.  
Besides what is a bare butt  
between sister and brother?”  
“My excitement may prove plain as day.”  
“If so I’ll zip my lips.  
But you can brag about that too.”