à l'amour d'une muse

You tether me to this mortal realm
When I ache to touch the heavens
And lose myself in lonely creation
Though my baser desires still call

My mind overflows with all things – you
My muse, my lover, my friend
I am consumed beyond obsession
Drawn down into the darkness
Of glorious dysfunction, where pain
Is part of the pleasure of us
Or it used to be, before we began to drown
And I choked on the very air I needed to breathe

The world is empty now without you
The colours bleeding to nothing
And I recreate them in my mind’s eye
Like a faded watercolour painting
That I can almost taste along with
The forgotten fragrance of your skin
Memories and secrets that haunt me
Like ghosts that refuse to be buried silently

And I don’t wish to be tethered here
Yet heaven knows no glory
When I left to my own devices
And a new darkness sweeps in

I wonder about my soul
And how I broke it in two
When I stumbled into love so blindly
It scarred me with its luminescence
And how I in turn scarred you
With my fear and my words
That would live to haunt me
Long after I tried to cut out my tongue

Creation is a lonely art
Where I entertain my demons
While running naked and exposed
Through the open plains of life
In an effort to vomit my soul
Into peace and not pieces
Though no amount of running
Nor humiliation can save me from myself

I’m high with imagination
Though my bed is cold beside me
Heaven is boredom personified
While my mind is clear to see

I can’t say which I prefer
When hell is alive with companionship
Despite its torturous ways
That drove me beyond despair
Into darker abyss’s than I’ve ever known
And I shy from it now, while heaven
Is its own kind of hell, and chaos
On occasion seems like a welcome bedmate
 
Though I cannot deny the relief
That comes with the freedom to sing
From the rooftops of sanity
That is sometimes insane
And has me wanting to stab the fabric
Of reality just to hear is scream
I never was heaven’s child
Despite my longing to float upwards

You tether me to this mortal realm
When I ache to touch the heavens
And lose myself in lonely creation
Though my baser desires still call
 
And I cannot bear to admit that I miss you
My muse, my lover, my friend
For I prefer to observe you from afar
Then let you own my heart

© Indie Adams 2012