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Mother/Daughter Notes - When is it time?
From my daughter the week after her 16th birthday -
How will I know when I’m ready to have sex? Sometimes I want to try it and sometimes I’m afraid. Some of my friends have done it already.
My wordy answer -
The main thing is that it happens when you’re ready, and it happens with a boy you really want to give something special to. Very special.
For me it happened with a boy who helped me with math when I was a senior in high school. He was nice but it wasn’t the right time. I should have waited because it changed the direction of my life in ways I didn't expect.
I didn’t know how to be careful when I was 17. After that first time, I felt hollow emotionally because it hadn't seemed right and we could hardly talk to each other after it happened.
A new boy moved to our school a few weeks later and we were immediately attracted to each other because of our mutual need for acceptance. We had sex a lot and I got pregnant. The boy’s family had money and paid for my abortion. That’s one reason you have to be careful. Another reason to be careful is because if we give more than we're emotionally ready to give, we make mistakes.
Tonight I placed the items you need for being careful in your purse, not because I think you need them now, but because I want them to be there when it’s time.
You are beautiful. I love you very much.
How will I know when I’m ready to have sex? Sometimes I want to try it and sometimes I’m afraid. Some of my friends have done it already.
My wordy answer -
The main thing is that it happens when you’re ready, and it happens with a boy you really want to give something special to. Very special.
For me it happened with a boy who helped me with math when I was a senior in high school. He was nice but it wasn’t the right time. I should have waited because it changed the direction of my life in ways I didn't expect.
I didn’t know how to be careful when I was 17. After that first time, I felt hollow emotionally because it hadn't seemed right and we could hardly talk to each other after it happened.
A new boy moved to our school a few weeks later and we were immediately attracted to each other because of our mutual need for acceptance. We had sex a lot and I got pregnant. The boy’s family had money and paid for my abortion. That’s one reason you have to be careful. Another reason to be careful is because if we give more than we're emotionally ready to give, we make mistakes.
Tonight I placed the items you need for being careful in your purse, not because I think you need them now, but because I want them to be there when it’s time.
You are beautiful. I love you very much.
Published 7th Sep 2022
| Edited 9th Sep 2022
Author's Note
I'm revisiting the folders where I keep notes my daughter and I exchanged while she was growing up. I was surprised when I saw how direct I was in this note. I'm thankful I was. She just turned 20 and is a beautiful young woman.
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Anonymous
- Edited 12th Aug 2024 3:45am
7th Sep 2022 1:07pm
<< post removed >>
8th Sep 2022 1:05pm
7th Sep 2022 9:44pm
A very sensible note, more direct than many an agony aunt's reply letter.
Favourite phrase:
if we give more than we're emotionally ready to give, we make mistakes.
I note the similarity you have to each other from your respective pictures.
Favourite phrase:
if we give more than we're emotionally ready to give, we make mistakes.
I note the similarity you have to each other from your respective pictures.
8th Sep 2022 1:05pm
8th Sep 2022 1:01pm
8th Sep 2022 1:04pm
8th Sep 2022 11:51pm
9th Sep 2022 4:23am
21st Sep 2022 2:58am
The idea of writing notes instead of a parent talking to the child directly may work better.
Sometimes conversations have undesirable outcomes if parents don't know how to go about giving answers to these important questions.
They can be caught off guard, unprepared and not ready to respond appropriately whereas notes can give them time think properly.
You definitely gave this a lot of thought and even though you mentioned your first pregnancy that may have not been terminated by your own choice and free will, hopefully, such a tragedy drove the point home for her.
There's no doubt that you saved her from bad mistakes so that she continues to make the right choices for herself.
Sometimes conversations have undesirable outcomes if parents don't know how to go about giving answers to these important questions.
They can be caught off guard, unprepared and not ready to respond appropriately whereas notes can give them time think properly.
You definitely gave this a lot of thought and even though you mentioned your first pregnancy that may have not been terminated by your own choice and free will, hopefully, such a tragedy drove the point home for her.
There's no doubt that you saved her from bad mistakes so that she continues to make the right choices for herself.
