deepundergroundpoetry.com
Gazing at Stars
She seemed a mite out of breath
a tad tipsy
in her little black dress
head on my shoulder
her sweetness
tugging at my heart
The moon's getting closer, she said
and I've been counting stars all night
Do you think there are people up there
living and loving
and dying in each other's arms
People just like us
only far, far away
Who knows, I said
Maybe one day we'll get to find out
but the way the world is right now
I'm just glad
that we're alone
Published 29th Aug 2022
| Edited 31st Dec 2022
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The author encourages honest critique.
What an aesthetic and relaxing scene. All I can say is that the last stanza might need a touch more flow and the title could have more relation to the lines. Just know that this is a very tender poem that I enjoyed reading. (I am not a professional, this is just my personal advice.)
kind regards, C.
kind regards, C.
Appreciate your feedback, chy.
When I read this aloud (and last stanza transition is likely to stall at voice change) I think the shorter lines in the man's reply serve to deliver the poem's harder edge.
If all you read is "tender" here you could be missing the poem's real message about how our species is not presently ready or fit for purpose to venture starwards and interact with other entities should we encounter them.
But of course, as with any writing, it's what you the reader make of it.
Thanks again for your own perspective/advice.
Best ~~Abra
When I read this aloud (and last stanza transition is likely to stall at voice change) I think the shorter lines in the man's reply serve to deliver the poem's harder edge.
If all you read is "tender" here you could be missing the poem's real message about how our species is not presently ready or fit for purpose to venture starwards and interact with other entities should we encounter them.
But of course, as with any writing, it's what you the reader make of it.
Thanks again for your own perspective/advice.
Best ~~Abra
