deepundergroundpoetry.com
Glimmer
Your star shone early,
bright and strong.
Carefree and happy,
you dazzled.
The angst came later
and draped itself over you
like tangled netting
badly accessorising a luminescent dress.
Now I am torn between
wondering how closely
brilliance and pain
are entwined,
versus
attributing your problems
to the outworking
of an artistic temperament.
Today, just for a moment,
the netting dropped away
and we all saw your light.
Now is your moment.
Grasp it.
bright and strong.
Carefree and happy,
you dazzled.
The angst came later
and draped itself over you
like tangled netting
badly accessorising a luminescent dress.
Now I am torn between
wondering how closely
brilliance and pain
are entwined,
versus
attributing your problems
to the outworking
of an artistic temperament.
Today, just for a moment,
the netting dropped away
and we all saw your light.
Now is your moment.
Grasp it.
Published 25th Aug 2022
| Edited 26th Aug 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 8
reads 351
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 6th Dec 2022 00:45am
25th Aug 2022 10:51pm
<< post removed >>
25th Aug 2022 11:13pm
26th Aug 2022 00:12am
26th Aug 2022 9:54am
Anonymous
26th Aug 2022 5:17pm
All the ingredients...
There's much that I enjoy here--
the image & simile of netting / mesh;
the system of images--light / dark, free, unfettered / netted, shrouded
the rhythms
the embedded narrative of the story of the you, whoever he is
for all these wonderful things, all of which I enjoy, the poem doesn't come together for me.
All the ingredients are here for a tremendous poem. A lot of potential.
Enjoyed!
& LIKED...not necessarily for what's here, but for what could be here...
There's much that I enjoy here--
the image & simile of netting / mesh;
the system of images--light / dark, free, unfettered / netted, shrouded
the rhythms
the embedded narrative of the story of the you, whoever he is
for all these wonderful things, all of which I enjoy, the poem doesn't come together for me.
All the ingredients are here for a tremendous poem. A lot of potential.
Enjoyed!
& LIKED...not necessarily for what's here, but for what could be here...
26th Aug 2022 5:56pm
Unusually, I keep coming back to edit this. I don't usually post until I'm happy, but I can't quite get there. What would you suggest?
Anonymous
- Edited 13th Nov 2022 6:45pm
26th Aug 2022 10:51pm
<< post removed >>
27th Aug 2022 4:16pm
I'm not going to guess the situation in its entirety. But, as a father of a roller-coaster daughter, I can empathize fully. Your poem conveys the highs and lows that we trek alongside them in. And the hopes.
Well done, Ellie. It put me right there too.
Well done, Ellie. It put me right there too.
