A Skip to The Loo

With the dawning of my daily consciousness I realized that our English cousins used to be "smashing!" and in more recent times have become "brilliant!". I have spent a lifetime now hemming and hawing between the two only to finally conclude that they must sometimes be... "brilliantly smashing!". A survey of the choicer bits of their literature supports this conclusion.
 
Here is a short list of books critical to the perpetuation of high quality toffery and verified by yours truly as being worthy of copious damns.
 
1. The Jefferson Bible. Preferably the Smithsonian Facsimile.
2. The Latin Sexual Vocabulary by J.N. Adams
3. Libertine Lyrics by The Peter Pauper Press
4. L'arte d'amare by Publio Ovidio Nasone
5. George Washington's Rules of Civility
6. Fanny Hill by John Cleland
7. Star names, Their Lore and Meaning, by Richard Hinckley Allen.
 
But most Importantly...
8. The Gentleman's Art of Dressing With Economy by...A Lounger At The Clubs. (British Library)
 
And now a disclaimer...
 
Ladies, I know you all crave, deep in your mysterious loins, the soft touch of a scholar's hand, but I profess that I am a married man. You will simply have to make do with these meager scribblings as they, at least, are available to you.
 
Moving on...
 
I toured our neighborhood afoot today and discovered a great many inflatable holiday yard decorations that lay in a state of deflation. Such diurnal flaccidity is almost always a disturbing sight to the sensitive heart of a dedicated toff, devoted as he is to the ways of wholesomely pneumatic tumefactions.    
 
Nevertheless, I pressed on to check in on the local cemetery which containeth over 500 "deadites" as the youth of late now refer to the dearly departed. I phone snapped and posted an image of the graveyard sign for the purposes of journalistic integrity for I could not live with myself thinking that someone may be out there contemplating that Christian burials may have never taken place here. The tombstones, though mute, disagree with all misguided conspiracy wonks.
 
There was a vibrant freshness to the gentle breezes which reminded me that olfaction could sometimes be agreeable.
 
Just then, however, my morning Perrier and Columbia Luminosa had rekindled my sense of bladder status. It was time to go home and enjoy the civilizing influence of an indoor water closet.
 
Chin-Chin!