Possum Cleavah

Pa got bit by a ness full of mosquitoes an' his balls got all swollen up, the size of bantam rutabagas. Wif deep regret, ma had t'disassemble his testicles wif th' possum cleavah. But they don't itch no'mo. A tad bit scalded but solved by a mouthful of phlegm or crawdad puddin'.  
 
Ah was th' local sheriff an' had t'arress ma fo' discriminatin' aginst a parin' knife af'er ah read her her rights.  "Yo' haf th' right t'remain igno'ant an' ennythin' thet yo' say at th' KFC will be taken wif an ounce of gravy."
 
Menny thunk ah was light in mah loafers, but ah was only missin' three toes. Also, ah ran off th' Cheeto man fo' pattin' a watermelon fanny t'see eff'n it was ripe. This hyar town ain't trimenjus inough fo' a Barry Manilow wannabe. Thet is whuffo' mah brother hain't come outta th' silo yet.