deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Killer Despair
The Shadow Assassin
that strikes you
crawls under your skin
Everything should be
fine, you'd laugh
if only you could
Your soul is sick
and death could
not come so quick
Feelings fading
senses numb
self-degrading
The heart is gone
just putrid muscle
of a cold carrion
Nothing in your head
coldness, isolation
an empty lonely bed
discontent decay
nothing can be said
Everything's worthless today
you feel dark and dead
void is your heart
void is your life
devoid from the start
of your day in oblivion
only you, fool
Darkness so obsidian
left ages ago
life is cruel
feeling so low
Despair wears a sickly grin
for your torture
It is the Shadow Assassin.
that strikes you
crawls under your skin
Everything should be
fine, you'd laugh
if only you could
Your soul is sick
and death could
not come so quick
Feelings fading
senses numb
self-degrading
The heart is gone
just putrid muscle
of a cold carrion
Nothing in your head
coldness, isolation
an empty lonely bed
discontent decay
nothing can be said
Everything's worthless today
you feel dark and dead
void is your heart
void is your life
devoid from the start
of your day in oblivion
only you, fool
Darkness so obsidian
left ages ago
life is cruel
feeling so low
Despair wears a sickly grin
for your torture
It is the Shadow Assassin.
Published 1st Feb 2010
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1st Apr 2010 8:30am
for me the enjambment could be improved.
i.e.;
Everything should
be fine, you'd laugh
if only you could
to
Everything should be
fine, you'd laugh
if only you could
should undr be under?
for me the last line isn't needed.
it feels a bit telly for the kind of poem it is, i would have liked to see some images of what depression is/was.
that said there's a good poem in there waiting to shine.
thanks for the read viddax (jmo)
i.e.;
Everything should
be fine, you'd laugh
if only you could
to
Everything should be
fine, you'd laugh
if only you could
should undr be under?
for me the last line isn't needed.
it feels a bit telly for the kind of poem it is, i would have liked to see some images of what depression is/was.
that said there's a good poem in there waiting to shine.
thanks for the read viddax (jmo)
1st Apr 2010 11:04pm
I'm glad you commented; highlighted the mistakes and suggested improvements. I hope you enjoy this improved version even more.
