Self Constraint

I see in shades of questioning.
Never certain of anything.
Except of my inner self. Raw gold unchatered, unchanged, untapped potential.
The outerself a mish mash of distractions, stupid thoughts, the unessential.
I am bigger than I allow. I am detailed beyond comprehension.
Simplicity does not reside here.
Unacknowledged no mention.
Only chaos, only confusion, only tension.

Would you like to get to know me, under the surface.
To see the truth. I'm saving the truth, holding out.
I gave you the biggest taste, a mistake?
I lay awake.
Thinking turning thinking turning
I wish sleep or death would take,
a moment to consider.
The lack of time left.
I wish you would consider that I might be something or someone.

I am stagnant.
Afraid
Anxious
I can not reach for my desires.
I stare at them and wish.
The darkness takes me away to hide again.
Where I won't be embarrassed or ashamed,
of feeling and wanting.
Of wishing and longing.
Away from the pain.

Of emptiness.