Murky waters colliding within

Dreams turn to nightmares as eyes see blank stares. Consumed by the darkness and no control of one’s cares. Contemplating what’s never meant to be. Transitions towards what’s important are thwarted mentally. By the obstruction of the our view. We lose sight of me and you. Forgetting how to live before were even taught to give. The misery created is never easily diluted. For its substance is staining, unforgiving and draining. The time that it takes is more than anyone can compensate. For our perception of what it is is often nothing alike. We try to manifest what is only a desired delight. . Raining down like the bullets of war. No where to run no reason to explore. Blinded but guided by the same fucking light. A confusing list of temptations which constantly invite. Skipping off the water like stones of all shapes. Rooted by regret as they disappear into the lake. If I were to try and remember all of my wrongs. Would they out weigh what makes sense for me to belong. And is their balance when balance isn’t sought. Like some natural process that seems to be just a tally. Out of our control yet defining our lighted streets and dark alleys. Within the mind of a killer resides a child still bitter. As every innocent child eventually is forced to act bigger. If there is a bigger force is it really bigger than us. Or is just a louder voice. If decisions we make are free will. How is it that one could tell them selves they need to be killed. And then take that gun and blow their brains all over so chill. If we are walking through the valley of death. When do we reach that mountain of life. And why must we depend on what’s wrong or right. Or do what we are told because someone else’s opinion convinces us that it’s right. For the many tears I have been a reason for falling. I can only hope the joy I bring may rise above what’s calling.. I find the love that is missing in myself. Loves to be seen in someone else. It’s not a worthless un loyal traitor. It’s just unable to find a place in me to be catered. So I’m not confused as what to do. I’m just confused like how to move. I obviously neglected what is now something I wish I’d respected. I somehow lost track of my reason to believe. I forgot obviously what it’s meant for me to be free. I chose the shadows for many years. Now my life is at least half over and I’m just happy I’m here. Being greatful for what I have. For I can’t keep reaching for what isn’t mine to grab. If temptation wasn’t so easy to persuade. I guess temptation wouldn’t be blamed. But truth in what we must admit to ourselves is harder than our visits to the many hells. As Ego drives it also delays,  for ego is the enemy we all must enslave. For ego decides how we behave as ego also shoots us in the head as we tell ego that we are it’s slave. A mental mindfuck that is not easily touched. Cause the slimy motherfucker is a lot quicker and tough. Two faced like a snitch the biggest piece of shit prick had a son with the universes most fucked up bitch. But as manipulating and conning as it gives us love and warm grips. Love is the one that’s comforting and soft. While hate brings excitement and more fulfillment to explore. We fill up on that shit and then finally miss what it was when we walked out that door. Sometimes we realize that we were wrong. Coming back to correct what we admit wasn’t  wrong. Sometimes we don’t get that chance and no longer belong. Some get it quicker than others and some fuck it up for so many others. Imagine a day of no more pain. I’m not talking about death I’m talking about a dream to attain. The idea of this meaning to why we are here. Is not to populate and pursue a dream or attain wealth. Or To make sure your kids are better off than what you were dealt. It’s about ascending to a higher level to believe everyone is deserving as they were all your mother. To give more than we take. Because even when things are harder they are usually never a mistake. And when things are easy we are really slipping mentally because survival means to relate and greed may be one’s ultimate desire. To have more give less and to bully and make cower. But peace never comes to those that seek power. For peace is not bought for peace is ours. Yet those who believe money is buying them a better place. Forget about the reasons they choose to inflate. We refuse to allow it to be in our lives. Cause we find it soft weak and smelling like flowers. Women are born to love and hold. While men are taught to protect and be bold. We can’t seperate a warrior from his sword. As easily as we can seperate a baby from its cord. Freedom is love and we all agree. Misery is only the opposite of what love could be. And it’s no one’s fault for casting fault is only reason to let one bleed. Times that are changing are agendas promoted by fear. Within our minds we are captive when fear is not cleared. Truth of what’s not true is mostly distorted. Fed by our desires to try and get back what’s been aborted. From the influences we attract and refuse to ignore. A fantasy of believing in a idea that’s stored. Trusting in all we hear but never see to form an opinion. Living life to be persuaded like some fucking minions. Last but not least we stay divided and distant. Programmed to obey and denying our resistance. For until fear is not our ruler we will never be truer. And the mood will always remain a shade bluer.