Undeserving

Yesterday I watched it,
yesterday I heard her,
that version of me
in real time.  
I hadn't meant to go looking.  
And until now it's been
just a thing
I feel in my body
like an odious wound,
like an accidental scald on the wrist,
like a tear somewhere quiet in the aftermath.
I don't know what to do with that.
I don't know how to be to you
anything that believes
she was enough for that love,
and maybe I've stopped wanting
to be deserving.