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Numbing lullaby of poem words, Nathan...your gravity is convincing. Sweetly,frighteningly convincing.
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yes very true.. a lullabye.. I read this to myself one night in tears.. I may still have it recorded somewhere.. I wanted to keep it to revisit.. I may try and record it again..

it simply hurts nathan,it is exquisite in its vision of the void, maybe right from its plain title a poem of great beauty and haunting pain.

there's this song and the lyrics say "I put my hand up to the wall and it went right through it.. you should have been there.. you could have come with me" I wish I could share my vision/experience of the void with you.. it was beautiful.. I miss it.. I want to go there when I die.. if we get to chose where we go after this I want to go there.. the peace you feel before you become entirely empty is wonderful.. there's nothing like it.. it's almost as hard to describe as this haunting feeling that Im something significant inside.. my soul.. like if I died the world would become really fucked up.. it has to do with my perception but beyond that there's no way to describe because theres no frame of reference to bring someone in and say oh i understand and I know no one else in the world experienes this.. Im the only one.. I am the center of something big.. and the void? no frame of reference for that except maybe passing out if you've ever done that.. some people do it as a sexual thing.. asphixiation before orgasm suppose to make it really intense.. ive never done that but I have passed myself out.. 30 times in a row one night while I was at a party.. probably killed a ton of brain cells.. right before you come out of it you feel empty euphoria like everything is going to be ok and you dont even know what or who you are for a split second.. thats the closest thing to the void.. but instead of waking up from the darkness you fall into it... oh I wish you were there.. you could have come with me xoxo

really nathan i dont know to say what , i stumped by the passion in your words. Honestly I have never experienced anything closer to the description of the void that you relate here.Magical and haunting.And to think I have always considered myself a very well open to sensations and a child of emotions.You amaze me!

wow thank you so much priya.. that means the world to me.. it surprises me that I amaze anyone I feel like such a lost cause and all i want is to die.. you don't have to say anything.. i know you care thank you honey