Uncle Charlie's Funeral...

I'm from one of those families who never call or text,and see nothing of each other from one decade to the next,
But there still arise occasions that are truly set in stone, when contact can't be made via text, nor calling on the phone,
Where a family get together is like nothing on this Earth,with every death or marriage, every christening or birth,
Where a gathering of the clan takes place underneath one roof, and every single time we do's like some bizarre Spike Milligan spoof,
Take for instance Uncle Charlie's passing it far outweighed the best, he was truly in the best place in the casket laid to rest,
Even at the wake,upon the casket the plates and the glasses were spread, and I swore I heard our Charlie cry,"Well thank the Lord I'm dead"
And next morning at the church the grieving widow staggered in, 'Purely medicinal' she did insist, the hip flask filled with Gin,
And everyone thought Charlie's mistress Jackie,and their sordid long romance, would have had the decency to stay away, ya messing? Not a chance,
Well Aunt Sheila, Charlie's widow cast her just one dirty look, that said,"if I were you my girl, I wouldn't push my luck,
They were barely two days married when she found them both in bed, and once more I heard poor Charlie say,"Well thank the Lord I'm dead"
Well the service it went well from there ,few family bridges built,and it was quite the miracle in that Church no blood was spilled,
But I may have been optimistic, as we headed to the bar, couldn't help but notice all the wheels had gone from Jackie's car,
As a look of satisfaction did appear on Sheila's face,that'll teach the bitch to turn up wearing leather,silk & lace,
Well the hours they flew in the boozer, to the wheels nobody would scoff,then bang on cue at ten past two, World War III went off,
It started with Sheila & Jackie, it had everyones head in a spin, they'd been watching them at it for years they were bored, it was time they all got to join in,
And that's just what my family they did there that day, t'was enough to rattle your head, then onve more that dark day,thought I heard Charlie say,"Well thank the Lord I'm dead,
So our Charlie he got a great send off, half my family sent off too that day,from a cell to the dock,through a gate they did lock,with 6 months for the charge of affray,
So Charlie he's just where he's wanting to be,so believe every word I just said,though it may sound absurd,swear I heard every word Charlue cried," Thank the Lord that I:m dead.