She asked

 
“Why do you want this so much… Why are you so open… Why do you want other people”

Behind the façade lies a small boy
Scared, to live, to dream, to want more for himself
He listens
as they utter praises and call him a genius-

He doesn’t care
He has told himself not to care
He has told himself that love is too much of a price to pay
He is scared, that’s all!

He uses women as pawns;
each one presenting a new opportunity,
each one just a piece in the game.

He has too many ghosts that haunt him;
too many voices that bully him,
too many regrets in his life

He smokes to forget;
he parties and drinks and has sex
just to remind himself that he is the one with the power here-

He uses honesty as a tool
and uses jokes as a shield
He is a monster in a suit

“Why do you want this so much?”

Because I want to always be in control
I want to always be in power
I want to know that I am in power

“Why are you so open?”

Because I am afraid that if I am not, I am opening up to disappointment
I am setting myself up for being hurt
And hurt people hurt other people, right?

“Why do you want other people?”

Because I am afraid of being alone again