My battles within

Somedays, I try to smile just to get by in this world
Other days I don’t even smile at all
I just keep going, day in and day out
With a blank stare in my face
I’m just trying to make it
On the outside, I can be happy and outgoing
But on the inside, it’s a war zone and gunfire going all around me
It’s a constant battlefield, trying to fend off my demons while trying to stay sane
Their are days where I want to walk off the battlefield
But then there are days where I am sucked into them
And I am fighting for the very existence in me
It’s a constant fight that takes a toll on me
It’s a fight where somedays I win and other days, I feel like a loser
Their are days where I feel like I’m shit and crap
Other times I feel like I am on top of things
Many days, I’ll feel like I’ve lost all hope and faith in humanity
Other times, I’ll feel like things are going well for me
Often, I’ll feel like I am disconnected and not hooked in
It’s why I often feel numb all around me
I feel like I am here but not really here
It’s like the world forgot about me and I’m here fighting to just exists
Let alone be seen or even heard
It’s why I fight this constant battle within me
All while trying to maintain a smile with a straight face