Relapse to End Them All

I think about it constantly,
No matter where I am.
Whether I'm in a good mood,
Or bad.
It corrupts my thoughts,
Takes over my mind.
It's all I can think about,
The How, and even Who can help.
Who I get it from,
Who it affects.
No reason stands out,
For the Why.
Just a lot of reasons,
All build up into this rationalization.
This isn't my preferred path,
Not what I want to happen.
But it seems like my only answer,
The only thing that I can do my way.
Not with a BANG!
Not with a SLASH!
Just with a fat shot or a few,
And a long nap.