i miss my dog

...there is plenty here to be proud of, for its honesty and underlying sense of kindness and calm. I'd lend this guy 5 bucks, and that is a lovely feeling to get from a write.

We have spoken before about your need to improve the way you lay your words on the page, so that the reader doesn't have to work so hard to find the rhythm....below is a rough example of how you might break your lines to give the reader a moment to think on, or break up, the work. The line breaks also act as punctuation, telling the reader where to pause or end a sentence.

i wish i could tell you that i spent my last four dollars and twenty three cents
on a sandwich

but we both know this brown bag holds twenty four times three... um...seventy two ounces of
cheap beer

i literally haven’t learned one new thing in ten years,

and i make light of two... well maybe two and a half
lost loves

loves that were
once in a lifetime.

just last week i kissed two kids goodnight.

they weren’t my kids,
but still great kids, and i loved them.

well i’m pretty sure that i loved them

and they definitly loved me.

loved mom and kinda dad,
and for them the math,
finally
made sense

its now two twelve.

god i miss my dog.

ive lost sanity
women
freedom
money
hope
feeling
apathy
and inspiration
and i don’t know the last real tears ive had

‘til now-

god damn i miss my dog.

i make art for losers
i haven’t had an unmediated experience with the world around me in a hundred years
and owe a thousand people
a million dollars
yet i have only one regret

yup
 
im serious now
i miss my fucking dog


DP

i totally, and completely get this. the structuring suggestion above is good stuff, but through it, i love the voice and the vibe of the narrator, the thought process... all grand. write on. [:

thank u my friend. your writing of my words certainly read much easier than mine...im usually just concerned with writing and not enough with how the reader will acknowlegde-obviously a c rucial fault- and i more than appreciate your advice!

thanks...def just a little therapy. i am going through a pretty shitty break up, have all the same weights of any weirdo artist,and still not seeing my dog is suprisingly the hardest for me...
(did your cat really die- very sorry to hear that)
im glad there is a certain honesty that comes through in this write

This writing is terrific in that the emotions are easily accessible, especially for anyone who has had pets! Structure doesn't really bother me that much, except for maybe capital letters for "i". (But that could just be the influence of my wonderful junior high English teacher, Ms.Faulkner,niece of the great writer)

Enjoyed this to the nth degree!

mr. manor thank you kindly. you know that i acually do contemplate the "i" or "I" thing, and for me a capital I represents this sort of philosophical statement. most of the time i dont feel honest in saying "I". although the way i feel about has little to do with how the reader views it so thank you for the comment!

Thanks for the explanation; more then anything the lower case "i"s triggered my curiosity. I was  also thinking that their presence might indicate just how small we (humans) are in the whole scheme of things.

spose thats sorta close to what i was thinking mr. manor. As well though, the capital"I" could represent just how large we are in relation to it all.(a feeling that i have flirted with but embarrassingly enough have not courted properly)

naw.

your not a loser.

i way just kidding.

this is one of my favorite poems you wrote.

bc i love dogs mostly.

and to see how upset you were. & then hear this poem. explains alot. deeep man just very deep.

thanks dear!

Well hello, this is beautiful, there's an infatuation with the bottle and you make it seem so vital for the poem. It's very well done. Damn dogs...

thanks LA...this was perhaps my most honest write and im glad it came through to you...and yes i still miss that damned dog!