deepundergroundpoetry.com

For The Love Of A Daughter

I am five years old.
Tears streaming down my face.
Where was daddy tonight?
Upstairs drinking, and smoking pot.
What's happening now?
He's getting wrestled to the ground by the cops.
Mommy told me to go in my room.
Where I cry for my father.
The dad that I wish I had.
The man that is small and brittle and has a mustache.
Where is my daddy?
He said he would change. . .
Just because he said it.
Didn't meant that he meant it.

I am eleven years old.
And my mom and I are visiting a family friend.
Mom hands me the phone, "It's your father"

"Hi daddy"

"Tell your mother that if she doesn't let me see you,
I'm going to kill myself honey."

"What?!"

"Tell mommy that sweetie,
tell her that you'll never see me again.
Is that what you want?
Never want to to see your daddy again?"

"No daddy! Don't go!"

Tears cloud my eyes,
this man is suppose to be my dad.
My friends have dads,
that bring them to the park.
And are there for them in the morning.
They play with them.
And laugh with them.
That tuck them in at night.

My dad works at the bar.
And that's where he drinks his soul away.
Where did I get my brown eyes?
Mom's are blue.
Dad's are blood shot.
My friends had their dads bring them to the park.
My daddy brought me to the bar.
"Don't tell mommy okay"
I nodded, happy to be with him.
Maybe he'd spend time with me when got there.

But I was alone with my two stuffed animals.
To play with the balls that belong to the pool table.
Daddy was too busy talking to his friends.

I am eighteen years old.
My dad wants a part in my life.
He's slowly dying.
From drink and smoking.
And he doesn't care.
I shouldn't care.
All my life all he gave me.
Was broken promises and pain.
He has three other daughters and a son,
that he doesn't speak to.
And they don't speak to him.
I'm his baby girl.
That he doesn't know anything about.
Couldn't remember my name for the first few weeks of my life.

I should turn him out forever.
Never think of him again.
Times he threaten me.
Hit me.
Kicked me.
Went after me.
Wanting to hurt me.
Hurt my mom.
Yelled at her.
Made her cry.
Threaten to take his life.
But when I did the same,
he yelled at me-- Like I hadn't learned it from anyone.
Don't get my way, threaten suicide.
Watched my father steal, and I became a thief.

I want to let him go.
I want to leave him alone.
But I can't.

Please father,
if you can hear me.

Put the bottle down.
Listen to me.
Get some help.
Oh God please.
Be a dad.
Not just a father.

Please. . .

For the love of a daughter?