There is fine line between not wanting to sleep.
And not being able to sleep.
And I am living proof of that very fine line.
I am that fine line.
I love sleep.
It gives me a break.
Helps me past the time.
But there is my problem...
When no one is around,
I sleep during the day.
So when no one is around at night.
I am alone.
The ghosts dance around me,
in a fun game in who gets to scare me the most.
The cat stares at me, wondering why I'm not asleep--
Like most humans.
It isn't the insonmia that's killing me.
It's the lonliness.
My mother asked when was the last time,
that I got a good night's sleep,
without waking up.
After only two hours?
I told her,
when my love
slept over last.
When he stays over,
I sleep just fine.
Because I am not alone.
I am not vulnerable.
I am not scared.
I have him and I don't feel as if something will hurt me.
The bed doesn't feel so cold,
when his body is there to help me warm it.
Is it sad that this is correct time?
That I'm writing this in real time.
And right now the Lonliness is taking my hand.
He's asking me to dance with him,
because the Lonliness knows like me
that I will not be sleeping until the sun is rising.
I questin so many things staying awake all night.
I remember why I am afraid of things.
I watch objects move.
And see shadows walk through my wall.
My cat watches them with me
and the Lonliness holds me.
Because he is not here to do so instead.
My mother sleeps soundly a few feet away from me,
in the small hotel room that we live in now.
One of my worst feels is being alone.
Alone in the dark.
Alone in a room.
Alone in the cold.
Alone in the hall.
Alone in the world.
Alone with my thoughts.
Alone with my fears.
Alone with the monsters.
Alone. . .
With the Lonliness, my new obtained friend.
I want to cry because I am still wide awake.
Even though all I would want to do is sleep.
Sleep and allow his kiss to wake me.
Like Sleeping Beauty or Snow White.
I want my prince to wake me from eternal slumber,
with true love's kiss.
And save me from the evil demon's spell.
Music lulls me to want to sleep,
and dream of something wonderful.
But darkness keeps me awake,
making me feel scared.
And the only one to comfort me is
The Lonely, and me.
I and the Lonely.
I am the Lonely.
The Lonely is me.
Let me prick my finger on the spinning wheel,
or bite the poisoned apple.
Let me sleep.
Let me die.
Let him wake me when he is near.
For I do not want to be here.
With the lonliness.
Eating away at my heart,
& my soul.
I do not want to be,