Some Of The Fathers

It takes persistence
to not be drawn in,
my own ghosts
sporadically visit,
often following
the judgement
of the one who set me free,
but also the one who
left me at a serious disadvantage

I landed in a place I could afford,
which in itself
was a stroke of luck
given the insane, unstoppable
state of the housing market

It is far from perfect
and not ideal
for a part-time dad,
but that was never really in the plan,
but I guess it never is

Flipping through ad after ad,
and even in the year I've been here,
the rents keep rising
- our food, our gas
but never the wages,
just a slight bump
that never really makes a difference

I've made it work,
but I keep being pressed
to get in over my head,
live beyond what is possible

These are the unspoken realities
that linger beneath the surface,
if the situation was flipped
there would be an outpouring
of sympathy and support
and compassion,
for there have been generations
where the party with the lower income
had to struggle to get situated,
but we know typically
what gender that burden fell upon

So I toil away,
clocking in my forty hours each week,
peppering my day with affirmations
to hopefully draw that opportunity
for a change and stick around

And the light really comes
from every other day
where I get to see my kid's face,
despite the present circumstances
and parental guilt
and the judgement

My love outweighs the expectations,
and I hope that one day
my kid will see
I did the best I could