Sweet Sorrows pt. 3

Sweet Sorrows pt. 3

Kelsey might have been thinking the same thing. If she felt any inhibition at all, she sure did not show it. "Yes, ho yes! Ohmygod, yes, that is it! Ooo, baby, I'm on fire!" She continued as if we were back on that parking lot where we used to fool around after group rides. I suggested she modulate her tone, least we give ourselves away. She did. At least until she climaxed, when her decibel level shot up once again. As for me, I went easy on the sound effects when I climaxed seconds later. Lucky for us, all remained dark and quiet on the Western Front.

I grabbed some tissues from the center console to clean up. Then, with our clothes back in place, we held each other, traded light kisses, and talked.

"What a special night this has been for me," I said. "Maybe we can..." I stopped there, stopped from suggesting a meet-up before another year or another five years passed because I knew that it was not in the cards for us. I was willing. Yet knowing her, I knew she could not commit to something ongoing, and it had little to do with the geographic distance between us.

She snuggled closer to me. "Maybe we can get together in the not-too-distant future is what you were about to say, isn't it?" My silence answered for me. She book-ended my face in her hands. "Look, I'm going to miss you, miss you something terrible, I imagine. What a special night...yes, for me too, Ron. Pardon my clichés, but it is a night I will preserve in amber, keep under my pillow. My life, without going into details, has been a long series of sweet sorrows, and our parting will be one more. Do not take it personally. You are one hell of a guy.

Of course, I always knew that."

I did not push the matter. It would have spoiled the mood. Instead, I tried to lighten things up. "Okay, Kelsey, so the meaning of life is...fill in the blank."

She placed a hand over her chin and leaned forward. "Hmm...let us see. Okay, so the meaning of life is to hook up with a former cycling buddy you haven't seen in five years, a buddy that you fell in love with--but didn't tell him at the time--then make love with that buddy in his Honda Cross tour while parked in the driveway of another former cycling buddy who hosted the best party she's been to in a long time." She swiped a hand across her forehead and blew out a heavy breath. "So, how'd I do?"

"You did great, couldn't have done better myself," I said.

"Thanks. Of course, it is all subjective. But that is my meaning at this moment. Now you."

She grinned as if she enjoyed shifting the "pressure" to me.

"In twenty-five words or less?"

"In as many words as you need."

I had it, or at least the best I could do then. "The meaning of life is to be happy, to be there for the people you love, accept people as they are and not try to change them. There. I'm not the Dalai Lama but there you have it."

"Hey, you did fine," she said, patting me on the back. "Words to live by, I'd say."

I drove her the short distance to her rental vehicle, a red Chevy Belair.

Then we said farewell with more necking and vague plans to stay in touch. She gave me a final wave before entering her car. I sat in my Cross tour right behind her Cruse, waiting for her to drive off. And waited and waited.

Close to a minute after she turned the ignition, she was still sitting behind the wheel. I was about to leave my car to ask if she was okay, when she cut her engine, then ran around to my passenger side and signaled for me to let her in. When I did, she said, "I have been thinking, thinking, and crying at the same time. Ever do that?"

"At the same time, no," I said. "I'm not that well-coordinated."

She managed to chuckle while wiping her eyes. "Anyway, I was thinking," she continued, "thinking that I do not want to wait another five years, another year, or even until fall before I see you again. So, can you come to Seattle later this summer?"

I did not think there was much that could surprise me anymore, but she had just proved me wrong. "Of course," I said. "What changed your mind?"

"Nothing. I am just sick and tired of sweet sorrows, of walking away from potentially good things long-term. Preserve this night in amber, keep it under my pillow...it is all so much bullshit, a shield against being hurt, along with some misguided notion of what romance is supposed to mean, what love is supposed to mean. I want to live in today, not in some Victorian poem or novel. I was sitting there behind the wheel, crying my eyes out because I missed you already, thinking about the plane ride home and god knows when I'd see you again, if ever."

The idea of seeing Kelsey again within the next few weeks sounded like an overly exciting prospect indeed. She was sincere. Still, given her history, I let a healthy dose of skepticism curb my enthusiasm.

"Sounds like a plan," I said. "Can we go atop the Space Needle? I've never been to Seattle but always thought I'd like to do that if I ever get there."

"Yes, we can go atop the Space Needle. We can have dinner up there at Sky City. I think you will like my little house. Cozy, comfortable and it sits by a lake and, depending on when you come, we can go to a Seahawks exhibition game. And yes," she grinned, "you can even wear your Ravens jersey."

"Kelsey, you make me want to pack already," I said. "Just please don't change your mind."

She wrapped her arms around me. "With the way I feel? Not a chance.

I am good with it. More than good, I have not been this excited about anything for a while. Besides that, I love you.

Her words ran through my mind as I watched her return to her car.

"Kelsey, I hope you make good on that," I said to myself, watching the red taillights of her Chevy Belair fade into the cool night.