deepundergroundpoetry.com
God's Jeans
I am sad.
I dont know Who to be today.
I broke all my promises to myself about "trying" and "letting go" and "being happy and healing."
I want to escape but its fucking pointless.
I feel hopeless.
I see how in the past Ive thrown all my power away.
I didn't even know what it was.
Didn't even.
That is how I got hurt in the first place.
But I am still Innocent.
I am still Forgiven.
Its just that I am also-
A lost and afraid little girl who doesn't believe anyone could ever-
Love me.
I keep wanting to abandon me
I keep wanting to throw my life away
I keep wishing I could avoid
Anyone ever seeing me
Because no one sees anyone anymore or anyways
Besides they can't see the parts of me
That are splitting apart all over the floor
Splitting and joining
Crashing and colliding
Infinite potential of chaos and destruction
(Peace and eternal lovin')
And yet I want a safe place to show you
Where I create my miracles
Where I am tender and I am loving.
Its just...
No one will ever...
Yet I am lovely
Sprawled out on the floor
Screaming out between the seams
It seems
Creation is a river
Bleeding straight through
These jeans
Jeans that they say
I'd destroy the world
With this ass
As if it wasn't just skin
Holding me still, within
I feel crazy
I just wanna be free
And have fun babe
Maybe go out and drink
And get fucked up
And end up on someone's couch
Date rape drugged
And raped
And I was dreaming that I came.
And that I didn't know my name
And that I had a reason to speak
Or a person to blame
But its just me babe
Its really me-
Not only just me-
Quietly still, its been mostly the One
Unnameable One who sees Through me
And this part I get to play
Just as real as anything
The realest ion
The realest of things
Like how
At least once a month or so I get to bleed
Living life through God's jeans
See?
I dont know Who to be today.
I broke all my promises to myself about "trying" and "letting go" and "being happy and healing."
I want to escape but its fucking pointless.
I feel hopeless.
I see how in the past Ive thrown all my power away.
I didn't even know what it was.
Didn't even.
That is how I got hurt in the first place.
But I am still Innocent.
I am still Forgiven.
Its just that I am also-
A lost and afraid little girl who doesn't believe anyone could ever-
Love me.
I keep wanting to abandon me
I keep wanting to throw my life away
I keep wishing I could avoid
Anyone ever seeing me
Because no one sees anyone anymore or anyways
Besides they can't see the parts of me
That are splitting apart all over the floor
Splitting and joining
Crashing and colliding
Infinite potential of chaos and destruction
(Peace and eternal lovin')
And yet I want a safe place to show you
Where I create my miracles
Where I am tender and I am loving.
Its just...
No one will ever...
Yet I am lovely
Sprawled out on the floor
Screaming out between the seams
It seems
Creation is a river
Bleeding straight through
These jeans
Jeans that they say
I'd destroy the world
With this ass
As if it wasn't just skin
Holding me still, within
I feel crazy
I just wanna be free
And have fun babe
Maybe go out and drink
And get fucked up
And end up on someone's couch
Date rape drugged
And raped
And I was dreaming that I came.
And that I didn't know my name
And that I had a reason to speak
Or a person to blame
But its just me babe
Its really me-
Not only just me-
Quietly still, its been mostly the One
Unnameable One who sees Through me
And this part I get to play
Just as real as anything
The realest ion
The realest of things
Like how
At least once a month or so I get to bleed
Living life through God's jeans
See?
Published 16th Jan 2022
| Edited 27th Jan 2022
Author's Note
Going through some dark night of the soul.
Sorting out all this garbage. I think Someone found me useful after all. Now I see its only pointless to struggle to see or think straight or think i know when it isn't the eyes that I need to be Witness... I can only trust with my heart.
Sorting out all this garbage. I think Someone found me useful after all. Now I see its only pointless to struggle to see or think straight or think i know when it isn't the eyes that I need to be Witness... I can only trust with my heart.
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The author encourages honest critique.
16th Jan 2022 4:35am
Be yourself. You need to find yourself. We are here if you need us. Keep on writing
17th Jan 2022 6:00am
As always, thank you so much for being the first to read this. I appreciate this community so much. 🙏
Anonymous
16th Jan 2022 2:36pm
Compelling and free flowing in a stream of consciousness sort of way. The emphasis on the word "seams" helps reinforce the idea of skin as being a fabric sewn together to contain the spiritual. As if with one downward tug of a zipper, the soul could be unleashed.
"Jeans that they say
I'd destroy the world
With this ass "
Those lines are poetic as heck, especially given people often see their bodies as their greatest assets when it comes to acquiring relationships. Value them too much and one is bound to attract others who value such likewise over what's inside.
"Jeans that they say
I'd destroy the world
With this ass "
Those lines are poetic as heck, especially given people often see their bodies as their greatest assets when it comes to acquiring relationships. Value them too much and one is bound to attract others who value such likewise over what's inside.
17th Jan 2022 5:57am
Thank you!!!!! I love your feed back.
You are totally right about the seams holding me together.
This was so healing to write for me. Thanks for reading! 🙏🙏🙏
You are totally right about the seams holding me together.
This was so healing to write for me. Thanks for reading! 🙏🙏🙏
16th Jan 2022 4:38pm
I think you wrote this very well, I have quite a few pieces of a similar nature, writing through my feelings has always helped in my healing
17th Jan 2022 5:59am
Thank you!! I will hop over and read some of yours when I am in a good space for that. God damn I feel better having written this piece though. Thank you for reading and also thanks for letting me know that im not alone. We got this darling. You are awesome.
26th Jan 2022 4:36pm
18th Jun 2022 7:09am
When abuse leaves one uncertain of what one wants in a relationship. Felt the poignancy of these lines:
And yet I want a safe place to show you
Where I create my miracles
Where I am tender and I am loving. [can be relatable to by those not living in a place they feel safe and able to open up]
And yet I want a safe place to show you
Where I create my miracles
Where I am tender and I am loving. [can be relatable to by those not living in a place they feel safe and able to open up]
19th Jun 2022 6:31pm
Yes! Its the 2 parts- shadow and light both want the same thing but in conflicting ways
Anonymous
22nd Jun 2022 5:34am
Bravo! Real and well expressed.
