Chameleon-Not a Poem

I have been away from my writing since Aprl of 2021
I found myself drowning in a cycle of insanity
I could not find words to express life beyond the mental illness that surrounded me (spouse)

I am a fixer always looking to make someone else's existence richer more meaningful
Not my own that was too painful looking  at,  tearing apart the pieces before mending was not my idea of a good day  

I am a runner, turning my back away from harsh reality always putting on a smile a trudging through the shit

Today  I  had a harsh awakening in regards to how much respect I have for myself
 I was shot at today by my estranged husband. I saw him draw the 9MM from his holster as I dove to cover my dog I heard the round (armor piercing) zing past me  
I am safe as is my dog and I am  miles away from the situation

How much do I really matter
 To Me
The days ahead will tell
I have chosen no contact for as long as I live and breathe
Which means always looking over my shoulder, continue moving and changing vehicles
Again,  how much do I matter
to me
It's been easier ignoring the bad to avoid the stalking behavior

 but today was different

 I ask for the strength and courage to become  all that I am meant to be
I love you all
Thanks for reading  

I hope to be writing again soon
And thank you all for your poetry it means a lot