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Good girl (ptsd related)
Good girl
written February 27th, 2021
I have always been
a good girl.
It was a role
that fit me well.
I took whatever
society-family-church
said I should be
and tried to be all of it
to prove - to show - to hide.
Certainly nobody would hurt
a good girl
and I was
such a grown-up good girl.
What could there be
in the life of
such a good girl
that I couldn't take care of
myself?
It's certainly the face I presented
and all the things
that didn't fit
got put
somewhere else
because it was absolutely essential
that I be
a good girl
and that nobody notice
all the things that were wrong.
Such a grown-up good girl
even if it was wrong
it must not have hurt
because I always
took care of
everything and everyone
until one day
I didn't anymore
take care of anything
or anyone
or myself.
But really in all of that
the whole point
was to not need
because nobody and nothing
was taking care of
the good girl.
written February 27th, 2021
I have always been
a good girl.
It was a role
that fit me well.
I took whatever
society-family-church
said I should be
and tried to be all of it
to prove - to show - to hide.
Certainly nobody would hurt
a good girl
and I was
such a grown-up good girl.
What could there be
in the life of
such a good girl
that I couldn't take care of
myself?
It's certainly the face I presented
and all the things
that didn't fit
got put
somewhere else
because it was absolutely essential
that I be
a good girl
and that nobody notice
all the things that were wrong.
Such a grown-up good girl
even if it was wrong
it must not have hurt
because I always
took care of
everything and everyone
until one day
I didn't anymore
take care of anything
or anyone
or myself.
But really in all of that
the whole point
was to not need
because nobody and nothing
was taking care of
the good girl.
Published 2nd Dec 2021
Author's Note
This is poetry as therapy for me. It came out as a flood one day. I have tried to rewrite it and it loses it's power for me when I do, so here is the unedited version. It feels very raw and very true.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
4th Dec 2021 9:51am
I very much encourage you to pursue poetry as therapy,
allowing yourself to flood the page with pain pleasure and rage.
I think, in reference to the question you posed,
that sort of thing perhaps presents newly discovered potentialities of poetry.
It sharpens you and hardens you,
as a conduit for all of it.
What I see in you is a spectacular celestial orb,
radiating and having the capacity to radiate further,
Increasing in energy, as you further discover the self.
I think that poetry comes in frequencies,
or translations and interpretations of frequencies,
Or frequencies, reinvented...
And each frequency is composed of frequencies.
I believe the deeper our interactions
with these frequencies,
The more arrayed is our translations, interpretations and reinventions.
I was talking to a fellow writer today...
They were mentioning that they have the same
idea or even the same lines
In their mind, for the entirety of the week,
And they just cannot surpass it...
I posed the question:
"Do you believe that there is a vast spectrum
of approaches to the same line or idea?"
I believe there is...
Like how nature breaks into fractals.
Everything is the product of a fractal,
and yet we have such a vast array of diversity.
I think that to exist in the depths of poetry
is to is glimpse the shape shifting frequencies in states of spectrum.
I think that poetry, and the writing of poetry
is a modification to that which can be modified, in order to be further modified.
I also feel that just as the frequencies
have what may be an infinite number of translations, interpretations, and reinventions...
The frequencies themselves have an infinite number of internal frequencies.
I also think that these frequencies have
something like a will to exponential amplification and expansion.
And this is like being embraced by the infinite.
Perhaps like the flood you felt, in the composing of this very powerful write.
I feel like in this write you are
seeing very deeply into yourself,
very much approaching or even fashioning hard won transcendence,
even if only for a moment, which is enough, because even momentary transcendence
Counts,
And the momentary transcendence
becomes an exponential expansion of frequency, expanding.
I think that each and every being possess
a very individuated and unique condition of existence,
which is simultaneously present in the population, in forms that are different but the equivalent...
And in this way, the progress of one
becomes the progress of all.
I truly believe this.
Your bravery makes other people brave.
Your strength makes other people strong.
Your beauty makes other people beautiful.
allowing yourself to flood the page with pain pleasure and rage.
I think, in reference to the question you posed,
that sort of thing perhaps presents newly discovered potentialities of poetry.
It sharpens you and hardens you,
as a conduit for all of it.
What I see in you is a spectacular celestial orb,
radiating and having the capacity to radiate further,
Increasing in energy, as you further discover the self.
I think that poetry comes in frequencies,
or translations and interpretations of frequencies,
Or frequencies, reinvented...
And each frequency is composed of frequencies.
I believe the deeper our interactions
with these frequencies,
The more arrayed is our translations, interpretations and reinventions.
I was talking to a fellow writer today...
They were mentioning that they have the same
idea or even the same lines
In their mind, for the entirety of the week,
And they just cannot surpass it...
I posed the question:
"Do you believe that there is a vast spectrum
of approaches to the same line or idea?"
I believe there is...
Like how nature breaks into fractals.
Everything is the product of a fractal,
and yet we have such a vast array of diversity.
I think that to exist in the depths of poetry
is to is glimpse the shape shifting frequencies in states of spectrum.
I think that poetry, and the writing of poetry
is a modification to that which can be modified, in order to be further modified.
I also feel that just as the frequencies
have what may be an infinite number of translations, interpretations, and reinventions...
The frequencies themselves have an infinite number of internal frequencies.
I also think that these frequencies have
something like a will to exponential amplification and expansion.
And this is like being embraced by the infinite.
Perhaps like the flood you felt, in the composing of this very powerful write.
I feel like in this write you are
seeing very deeply into yourself,
very much approaching or even fashioning hard won transcendence,
even if only for a moment, which is enough, because even momentary transcendence
Counts,
And the momentary transcendence
becomes an exponential expansion of frequency, expanding.
I think that each and every being possess
a very individuated and unique condition of existence,
which is simultaneously present in the population, in forms that are different but the equivalent...
And in this way, the progress of one
becomes the progress of all.
I truly believe this.
Your bravery makes other people brave.
Your strength makes other people strong.
Your beauty makes other people beautiful.
