Cuts

Sometimes I think that I am finally done with aching to be sunken into the oblivion waiting for me below; and then it all comes back to me so fucking fast.

I miss the way it used to burn, how the neurons living inside of the flesh resting on my bones would cry out, but that was alright,
Because then at least for a moment; the world was quiet.
I miss how it would silence the numbness living inside of my hollowed out bones
And how it reminded me that I was alive.

I know it must sound Bizarre, to miss tearing into the flesh and bone living on my body,
But I will not lie, and say that I do not miss that feeling.
That justification, that reminder that I am not all numb, the way the blade cuts so smooth.
I miss feeling alive, even if that’s what it could take.
It could take it all from me, and I wouldn’t even care.