deepundergroundpoetry.com
Leaf Unto Leaves
Hello my friend
I hope this finds you well.
As of today, I am off parole, like someone returning from war to a civilian life.
I don’t know that I thought about how it would feel.
Sometimes, all that I thought about was the collective struggle against the system. I mean, you have people dying under extreme circumstances; I have seen the sunshine that weeps against the stone walls of the prison hospitals, into the perceptions of those who’s flesh will expire in this sunshine, giving up their spirits to the heights that watch and are watched.
But I have also always thought of people doing 20, 30, 40, 100 years. I have seen there faces and interacted with them on the level of the soul, and maybe that changed me in some way.
How could such a thing not change you. I feel the same as I always have, honestly, but I think that sort of thing adds to a person, in ways that are not easily or readily understood.
That is, of course, if you can stay sane, which is part of the thing of which I speak.
Resilience.
I remember I wrote this paper about academic resilience, or, grit, as it is alternatively called. Recent studies have shown that this thing called grit is a determinant factor in the academic success of a student.
Essentially, they defined this thing as having the ability to fail and continue to push forward, to never give up – never give in.
Well…
If you confront some of the deepest depths of despair and hopelessness, that dwell these man made establishments, I think you will either implode into a pool of drool, tears and strait jackets, or you will be aroused to wage the war, to fight the good fight.
And if you opt for the latter, all you will see is beauty and inspiration.
If you open your heart, open your mind:
You will know.
You are free, have always been free, will always be free.
I will tell you.
One of the worst feelings I ever had was driving to the courthouse, in the initial stages of the process, knowing that I was headed for the penitentiary.
I remember the sunshine and how the last vestiges, of what I believed was freedom, dangled in the breeze, like ribbons in tatters, neither taunting me or calling out to me: there was just nothing and nothingness.
I remember how my dad told me he would do the time for me if he could.
And he was completely serious. I know he was completely serious.
I remember how I was on the run and he concealed me.
I remember looking out the front window of one of the hideouts and seeing him ride his bike into the driveway, so as to not draw attention.
And how he came inside and we just talked. He told me about his prison experience and how you can be made to shine even in the darkest darkness, and how the darkest darkness can be transformed into light.
One cannot express what it means to see a hand, as you sink into the listless currents of the abyss, reaching forth – reaching forth, as the light dissipates: to see this hand amidst the shadows of the fading light…
It was like I saw the human in my father and it was super human.
That is how I remember it.
It’s so strange to think of how he is gone now, leaving these shadows, these treasures, and how all treasures become shadows, perhaps…
But you know we had time to talk before he left and we made the sacred pact to continue forth always… With the war – With the good fight.
He would be happy and proud to see that I was made to shine and the deepest darkness was transformed into light.
He would know that I never stopped fighting and will never stop fighting.
He would know that I listened to his words.
But then… He always knew.
I remember how he told me that when he returned home, on the prison bus from the state of Texas, his father was standing in the path of the bus, waiting for him at the bus stop, and told him:
“Now show them that you are a gentleman.”
I think of him often and his grave is an oracle to me.
I suppose I decided to follow this missive wherever it was to go, however it was to go there.
I just thought I would write to you.
All I want to do is perhaps inspire you in some way, empower you in some way.
Because I want to see us strong.
I want to see us waging the war, fighting the good fight.
I will talk to you soon.
Your friend,
- Pablo
Published 1st Nov 2021
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The author encourages honest critique.
1st Nov 2021 2:25pm
Dear Pablo,
In the two years I have been fortunate enough to be on this site, reading amazing poetry by very talented and amazing poets- no poem has affected me to the depths as this one has.
This grit, so aptly named, has been so truthfully and serenely expressed from your pen as to give me a definition of things in my own real world. We all have our crosses to bear and we all have choices to make that alters how we move forward. No matter how ugly something may be, there are still kindnesses to be given. Your homage to your father was as real, open and love filled as I’ve ever experienced anything between family.
“Now show them that you are a gentleman.”
And you have.
Your poems and comments have reflected that. I don’t know if congratulations is the appropriate thing to say. I know I am very happy for you, and I look forward to reading more of your incredible poetry.
A-Maze-Ing write!!!!! H🌷
In the two years I have been fortunate enough to be on this site, reading amazing poetry by very talented and amazing poets- no poem has affected me to the depths as this one has.
This grit, so aptly named, has been so truthfully and serenely expressed from your pen as to give me a definition of things in my own real world. We all have our crosses to bear and we all have choices to make that alters how we move forward. No matter how ugly something may be, there are still kindnesses to be given. Your homage to your father was as real, open and love filled as I’ve ever experienced anything between family.
“Now show them that you are a gentleman.”
And you have.
Your poems and comments have reflected that. I don’t know if congratulations is the appropriate thing to say. I know I am very happy for you, and I look forward to reading more of your incredible poetry.
A-Maze-Ing write!!!!! H🌷
1st Nov 2021 4:31pm
This is very motivating Pablo. I appreciate your candidness. It takes a strong man to willingly share his vulnerability. Thanks for sharing.
1st Nov 2021 10:06pm
I see that grit and your father, in you, with every write, correspondence and comment shared.
You're an inspired and cherished voice, Doing your dad proud with living life forward, and indeed, showing all that cross your path the gentleman, within.
I am proud of you and I know your father was and continues to be, too.
An excellent, excellent write, P.
I feel so very fortunate to have read your heartfelt expression.
Much love and endless respect,
🌹-B
xo
You're an inspired and cherished voice, Doing your dad proud with living life forward, and indeed, showing all that cross your path the gentleman, within.
I am proud of you and I know your father was and continues to be, too.
An excellent, excellent write, P.
I feel so very fortunate to have read your heartfelt expression.
Much love and endless respect,
🌹-B
xo
2nd Nov 2021 3:31pm
My struggles, help me understand others. Sometimes they are others I think most wouldn't understand. Or it connects me to them. I wouldn't wish your pain on anyone, but you let others know they aren't alone. Hugs.
