Uncomfortable

I was always a polite kid
Black hair with paler face than the others  
I was always a kind kid  
Big blue heart unlike all the others
I was always a quite kid  
"Gay and feminine goes to hell" said my MOTHER
I was always a weird kid  
A walking sin an abomination targeted by the others  
With a mark on my face
My hair my chest  
My legs my back  
My love and my heart
Easy to hit so I was struck
Easy to aim at so I was quick  
Not to run because there was nowhere to go
Not to ask for help because my MOTHER doesn't know how
Not to heal because there wasn't an herb for that
Not to scream because I was suffocating with my blood  
And I was just a kid  
But I was still quick  
To take off the arrows one by one
To bleed off the sorrow as it comes
To shout at the mirror when she just tried to help
To drown in sadness because she listens  
To drown in sadness because SHE doesn't  
To drown in sadness because I could feel it  
To drown in sadness because my MOTHER drowned me in hers  
To drown in sadness because it's the only thing I could breathe  
But I'm not sad that was never the deal
Sadness brings me comfort but I'm always uncomfortable  
So I drown in sadness because it's the only thing I know how to do