Rescue me!

How is one supposed to cope with all odds against them?
I'm battling a fight that I don't think I can win; It's internal.
I have been fighting an unprecedented battle with life and the choices I've made; some were of my own, others were pretty much out of my hands, "forced on to me," one would say.
I'm battling demons and all that is lurking around in the shadows, trying to catch me off guard.
I've been doing my very best to keep them at a distance for quite some time now.
I don't want to blame life for being hard on me because If I blame life, I would have to blame who gives it, so I won't; I'll blame the way I live it.
I have no love for those who let me down.
I'm broken! Emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
I know not my own identity at times, an empty shell without a purpose.
I have some much pain inside, darkness, and chaos.
My radiant light became dull, almost impossible to see; I'm trapped in a well (tank) of despair, with no sense of direction, a puppet on a string, trapped in my own body.
I'm here physically but mentally; I'm lost.
Starting a new life in a new country, leaving everything I've built and love over the decades behind can take its toll on an individual.
2020 was a rough year for most people, I for one, can attest to that.
I lost my mom. She was my world, my everything. She had taught me so much. After losing her, I think I've given up and life itself.
The year 2021 has been challenging for me in more ways than one.
First new Year without her, first Mothers Day without her.
September is her birthday. I've never not reached out to her on that day, then October is my birthday, my first birthday without her, then I have to deal with her first memorial in November.
I'm screaming inside, dying, slowing, losing a part of me with each passing day.
It's overwhelming, torturing, heart wrenching, I've never felt pain such as this before.
I'm begging for help inside, I need to to rescued, I'm drowning in sorrow and I don't know how much longer I can keep living like this.