deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Person I Live With
Can't help but clench my hands
Nothing to do but everything to think about
Every moment is agony as I wait
Wait for what, I have no clue
The pronouncemount that it's over or that it's only beginning
Something inside claws at my heart
Every deep gash leaves more room for disgust
It fills up my wounds so they scab over with hate
Self-hatred I can't stop, It hurts so bad
This self-hatred turned pity that bleeds disgust
Self-loathing that I can only watch grow
Grow into something unrecognizable that looks me in the eye
Something inside that bursts out and tears me up inside and out
I created my own hell inside this cocoon of agony
The flames of despair slowly burn away my tethers
I grasp for dear life as one by one my lifelines are destroyed
Blackest night awaits me in the pits of my phsyche
A darkness I can't escape, The light of reason only deepens the shadows
Shadows that hide all my fears, peeking at me with bright eyes
They judge me endlessly, I judge myself inside this hell
Alone against myself I struggle to breath
My breath becomes labored and every respiration quickens
My lungs fill with water, Brackish water that drowns me
As I slowy die I realize I'm selfish
All the things I feel destroying me from the inside are nothing
I agonize as somebody physically fades away
That disgust is my selfishness shining through
I've always been selfish and even now nothing is different
I can do nothing and that disgusts me, A selfish thought
I am afraid of the next day, a selfish thought
I don't want to think about him passing, A selfish thought
I worry about shedding tears, A selfish thought
I wonder why she can't even call and ask, A selfish thought
Everything about me is focused inward and I realize that
Finally understand that I play act a good guy
Somebody compassionate that would put aside his worries
I play this game like I always have
She said I changed but in reality I only recognized myself
That monster is my reflection in your eyes
It draws me in willingly because I can't change
Or maybe I don't want to change me
Nothing to do but everything to think about
Every moment is agony as I wait
Wait for what, I have no clue
The pronouncemount that it's over or that it's only beginning
Something inside claws at my heart
Every deep gash leaves more room for disgust
It fills up my wounds so they scab over with hate
Self-hatred I can't stop, It hurts so bad
This self-hatred turned pity that bleeds disgust
Self-loathing that I can only watch grow
Grow into something unrecognizable that looks me in the eye
Something inside that bursts out and tears me up inside and out
I created my own hell inside this cocoon of agony
The flames of despair slowly burn away my tethers
I grasp for dear life as one by one my lifelines are destroyed
Blackest night awaits me in the pits of my phsyche
A darkness I can't escape, The light of reason only deepens the shadows
Shadows that hide all my fears, peeking at me with bright eyes
They judge me endlessly, I judge myself inside this hell
Alone against myself I struggle to breath
My breath becomes labored and every respiration quickens
My lungs fill with water, Brackish water that drowns me
As I slowy die I realize I'm selfish
All the things I feel destroying me from the inside are nothing
I agonize as somebody physically fades away
That disgust is my selfishness shining through
I've always been selfish and even now nothing is different
I can do nothing and that disgusts me, A selfish thought
I am afraid of the next day, a selfish thought
I don't want to think about him passing, A selfish thought
I worry about shedding tears, A selfish thought
I wonder why she can't even call and ask, A selfish thought
Everything about me is focused inward and I realize that
Finally understand that I play act a good guy
Somebody compassionate that would put aside his worries
I play this game like I always have
She said I changed but in reality I only recognized myself
That monster is my reflection in your eyes
It draws me in willingly because I can't change
Or maybe I don't want to change me
Published 25th Feb 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
25th Feb 2012 5:21pm
I loved it. I felt anger, and sadness. It's amazing how you realize you are selfish (not being mean or anything) when every has selfishness in them...they are just afraid to admit it, you weren't. You admitted to selfishness, you admitted to the self hatred burning you in the inside. 'She said I changed but in reality I only recognized myself
That monster is my reflection in your eyes
It draws me in willingly because I can't change
Or maybe I don't want to change me' my favorite part in your last stanza. You put yourself in the eyes of the monster which in this case is you. Changing takes much willingness then what most people have. So it is quite powerful for you to say that maybe you don't want to change. I enjoyed this poem. Write on man Write on
That monster is my reflection in your eyes
It draws me in willingly because I can't change
Or maybe I don't want to change me' my favorite part in your last stanza. You put yourself in the eyes of the monster which in this case is you. Changing takes much willingness then what most people have. So it is quite powerful for you to say that maybe you don't want to change. I enjoyed this poem. Write on man Write on
25th Feb 2012 10:43pm
Thank you, I tried to convey everything I felt when I wrote it. Sometimes I sit down to write a poem and for this one, The poem wrote itself.
26th Feb 2012 00:18am
