deepundergroundpoetry.com
What Is Happening To Me
Sometimes when I breathe I think that I am taking air from others
who deserve it more than I do
I know there is plenty of air, but it doesn’t stop
…. The tears from flowing
When I mow the grass I think about how painful it must be
To be sliced in half by a sharp steel blade
…. Who the fuck thinks like that
When I see beautiful women on TV and movies
I think that if I could meet them they would see what a nice person I am
We would fall in love, get married, and I would be happy
I know it’s crazy, and I tell myself to stop thinking like that
…. But I can’t
I never think about the afterlife
But there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about what it must feel like to die
…. God help me
I seem to remember when
I had a family that was important
I had a job that was important
That saving money for next month’s house payment was important
But now I don’t know if that was real or a dream
…. It must have been a dream
I am falling into a hole filled with
Pain, Tears, Screams, Indignity
The only question is if I will be dead by the time I hit bottom
…. What is happening to me?
who deserve it more than I do
I know there is plenty of air, but it doesn’t stop
…. The tears from flowing
When I mow the grass I think about how painful it must be
To be sliced in half by a sharp steel blade
…. Who the fuck thinks like that
When I see beautiful women on TV and movies
I think that if I could meet them they would see what a nice person I am
We would fall in love, get married, and I would be happy
I know it’s crazy, and I tell myself to stop thinking like that
…. But I can’t
I never think about the afterlife
But there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about what it must feel like to die
…. God help me
I seem to remember when
I had a family that was important
I had a job that was important
That saving money for next month’s house payment was important
But now I don’t know if that was real or a dream
…. It must have been a dream
I am falling into a hole filled with
Pain, Tears, Screams, Indignity
The only question is if I will be dead by the time I hit bottom
…. What is happening to me?
Published 9th Jul 2021
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Anonymous
16th Feb 2022 6:51am
Hello dark_horizons,
Depression is a hell which I would not wish on my worst enemy. It consumes, joyfully, sinisterly, and taints every memory you have with its wake. I feel it too.
I too have felt like I steal resources, breath, food, love, time, attention, from others who deserved it more. I want to tell you, in case there is any doubt, if you feel like you're taking air, know that you're sharing mine.
You are not alone. You will never be alone.
Sincerely,
Umbra Hominis
Depression is a hell which I would not wish on my worst enemy. It consumes, joyfully, sinisterly, and taints every memory you have with its wake. I feel it too.
I too have felt like I steal resources, breath, food, love, time, attention, from others who deserved it more. I want to tell you, in case there is any doubt, if you feel like you're taking air, know that you're sharing mine.
You are not alone. You will never be alone.
Sincerely,
Umbra Hominis
