I Am Done

Wishing I could run could just scream
Help me Fucking hell I'm drowning
I have to keep moving keep performing
Be the perfect punching bag
I watch you destroy yourself
I watch you lie to yourself
I watch myself slowly killing myself
What is there to carry on for
No one is coming to a point of
Just saying enough
Just stop for one bloody moment
I am right here
I have been here watching hearing
Pretending betraying and in the end
Being in the middle of your pain
I have used it at times and I have hated it at times.
The fucking insanity I'm the Addict
However you pop pills.and you drinking like a fish
I'm screaming I can't anymore
And you keep feeding me
The very poison that I'm trying to get away from
I am becoming so invisible to myself
Hating the very essence of who I am turning into
Putting on make up lying to myself thinking it will cover the long nights
Trying to keep myself busy yet I don't have anything to do
I see the skeleton I'm becoming and try to hold the look of healthy
I can't look up anymore I struggle to hold my child I have become voilent in my thoughts lost in the many pathways I tried to forget.
I don't want to talk anymore as my words seem to get lost and it all is being twisted in a way that it's always the fucking Drugs
Well it's pain it's anger it's betrayel and its fucking Drugs alcohol pills having to look after you trying to pick myself up trying to stop the fucked up lies and so very clearly years of hurt you just deny.
I don't want this life not for me not for you and most of all not for my daughter.
I will sacrifice and fight and lay down my life for all of you yet we are grown we had our time and I learned these past few weeks that there is something like
Too late ...
Isabella still have time and so much love and innocence. I hate having to think about how much my shit is already hurting her. She doesn't deserve to hear about the trouble that has been brewing between the two people she loves so dearly.
I am feeling lost confined in a place that seems so hopeless. I have been struggling to find that fire that use too help me get up that use to give me the need to stand up. This time it feels as if I just don't want or need to stand up the flame is not even a hot coal anymore
Fuck I'm praying for my heart too stop as maybe then it will be enough