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Love and Peace
My body and I are at a constant war between love and peace and she is killing me,
I sometimes think it is because of all of the times I let the malnourished girl inside of me die.
But I was too afraid to let her out, afraid that she would spring out, wild hunger in her eyes.
I know we are at war because I do not feed her like I should, and that she is starving beyond recognition.
I sometimes try to whisper sweet nothings to her, in hopes that we will fall back in love.
But she is too broken to love me, too hungry to listen to what I am trying to say to her.
My body and I are at a constant war with each other, because I do not feed her like I should.
But I am trying, I am trying to see beyond the number of calories in bread,
And trying to ignore the yearning for ice water and an empty stomach.
But she does not see all of the things I would do for her, how much i am trying to love her.
Body and I are at a constant war between love and peace, but she is killing me.
I sometimes think it is because of the poison that I would force feed her,
All of the chocolate laxatives and the herbal teas that made us sick for days.
I think is is because on our birthday cakes instead of buttercream frosting I saw sit-ups,
And when a friend would offer to take us to eat, I would pinch our stomachs so hard it left us big red welts to soften the cries of hunger from her on the inside of my rib cage.
And as I am sitting here, whispering sweet nothings to her once again.
I realize the one true thing that she has always ached for, the thing that she died for.
To be loved, by me.
I sometimes think it is because of all of the times I let the malnourished girl inside of me die.
But I was too afraid to let her out, afraid that she would spring out, wild hunger in her eyes.
I know we are at war because I do not feed her like I should, and that she is starving beyond recognition.
I sometimes try to whisper sweet nothings to her, in hopes that we will fall back in love.
But she is too broken to love me, too hungry to listen to what I am trying to say to her.
My body and I are at a constant war with each other, because I do not feed her like I should.
But I am trying, I am trying to see beyond the number of calories in bread,
And trying to ignore the yearning for ice water and an empty stomach.
But she does not see all of the things I would do for her, how much i am trying to love her.
Body and I are at a constant war between love and peace, but she is killing me.
I sometimes think it is because of the poison that I would force feed her,
All of the chocolate laxatives and the herbal teas that made us sick for days.
I think is is because on our birthday cakes instead of buttercream frosting I saw sit-ups,
And when a friend would offer to take us to eat, I would pinch our stomachs so hard it left us big red welts to soften the cries of hunger from her on the inside of my rib cage.
And as I am sitting here, whispering sweet nothings to her once again.
I realize the one true thing that she has always ached for, the thing that she died for.
To be loved, by me.
Published 12th May 2021
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12th May 2021 11:13pm
14th May 2021 6:48am
