Shame

It’s the feeling you get when you know you have caused pain to A significant other , a friend or just someone else . The knowing that your actions will cause destruction in even the most thickest of skinned. It’s heart ache caused by self sabotage and all you can do is drink it away while knowing full well that it was the drink that started it all . With no one left to turn to in your time of need you turn to the shelf of empty promises and full bottles . I’m ashamed of myself , going thru this self hate because I know I am fucking up , mind makes excuses to justify my actions when the truth is I am doing this for love … Love the drug that all thrive towards , to escape the loan feeling that sits bitter in my heart , I would do anything for her and I want the best for her , I struggle to breath without her but she lyes in another man’s arms and can’t leave him for he can support her in ways I can not. She does not love him because she wants to be with me although I question does she love me ? Because she won’t accept me for who I am . I am not able to support her financially as he can but I can show her something he can not , gratitude , respect and my full attention .

She leaves me feeling empty , she leaves me feeling dry , she leaves me feeling shame …. Shame …… Shame …