Love and Light

My body and I used to be the best of friends, she loved me, and I her.
Things are much different now, too fucking different, She is empty.
Food tastes like tear stained pillows and misery, and she is too tired to eat.
And water is the only thing that can soothe a belly full of desert and ash.
 
She is made of aged iron and wine, anchor sunken ash and misery,
She winces at the sight of food, in fear someone will always be watching her.
My body and I used to be the best of friends, we loved each other.
And now things are too different, and I don’t feed her like I should.
 
She is rotting within my soul, begging for a way out, looking for someone to love her like I used to.
Food tastes of agony and nights spent on the bathroom floor dry heaving,
Ice cream tastes of bile and chocolate laxatives, and water tastes empty.
She is held together with nothing but tape and glue, doomed to fall apart at the seam.
 
Body of mine, there are a million and one things that I have to say to you,
But for now I will start with the greatest burden that I will ever carry on my back,
My love, I am sorry for more than I can ever speak, more than any syllable could manage.
I am sorry for all of the pain, all of the blood. I am sorry that I cannot be enough,
I am sorry for nights spent on the bathroom floor puking up last night’s dinner,
And I am sorry for all of the times I broke you down when you held me up.
I am sorry for ever telling us both that we were anything less than enough.
 
My dearest body, I know that we are no longer friends,
That when I look back at us in the mirror we do not make eye contact,
Or that I do not feed you like I should, but I am trying.
I am building our foundation from the ground up, with nothing but love and light,
And I am hoping that I, will be enough for such a being like you.