What’s In A Name? (The Attention Span Challenge)

Imperfection is my middle name
No it’s not; it’s Kevin – same as your Father
I was trying to be poetic; don’t you know art when you see it?
Oh, sorry about that I suppose I’m a Philistine of sorts

That’s OK, not everyone’s supposed to get it especially you
What do you mean ‘especially me’?
It’s nothing personal you know, don’t take it personally
Well I’m hurt, it’s hurting, it’s hurtful can’t you see?

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that, you know I didn’t
Not really, I’m still hurting from your words & thoughts
I said I’m sorry and did not mean it forgive me
Suppose I can suppose I might but I’m scarred now

OK I’ve apologized; I suppose you want compensation?
That might be nice, to correct & address your wrongs
Here we go & what might you need in that way?
I don’t know, something substantial I suppose

‘Something substantial’, well blow me down!
Yes something that really shows how sorry you are
‘How sorry I am’? ‘Something substantial’ – like for example?
Oh I don’t know? Money, land, perhaps a few jewels?

‘Money, land … a few jewels’! You’ve got to be kidding?
No I’m completely serious, I have been wronged you know
‘Wronged’?! Over a few fucking words?!
Words can wound & kill don’t you know? Horrid things

Well in that case an apology is useless, mere words after all
An apology is OK because it’s nice not nasty words
‘Nice’ you say, plus a few extra token gestures, indeed
Yes please a heartfelt apology & a few token gestures

Fine then, I’m honestly sorry & please accept these …
Are you really sorry & not just saying it?
Yes I’m really bloody sorry & not just saying it
No need to swear you know; now I’m offended again

OK I’m sorry for swearing & for offending you yet again
I’ll think about it, I’m really not sure you know
‘You’ll think about it’, ha! How lovely of you, thank-you
No need to be narky about it, now I’m deeply offended

‘Deeply offended’, well please excuse me for trying
Not much of an effort if you ask me
No I suppose you’re right again I must try harder
Yes please I’ll look forward to your better efforts

And I shall look forward to them too, dear friend
Thank-you I’m starting to feel a little better
Oh I’m glad to hear it I could have pleaded insanity you know
Yes I was waiting for you to say that, yet again

It’s my regular default position in such circumstances
I know I’ve seen & heard it from you so many times
Of course you have it’s my regular default position
Yes you’ve already said that, you’re repeating yourself

Indeed I am & may I say how sorry I am for that too?
Now you’re just being facetious and taking the piss
Oh no! I’m perfectly genuine & honestly sorry again
I don’t believe you, I’m sorry but I just don’t

Well I’m sorry again too & now my feelings are hurt
No they’re not; you’re just saying it to condescend me
Au contraire my sniveling wastrel & I demand compensation!
You’re not getting it you know that, compensation is my gig

Then go fuck yourself we’ll call it even
I don’t like you anymore, I never really did
Suppose you’ll want compensation for that too, for the pain
No I want nothing more to do with you, except what’s due

Well you know your chances of getting that don’t you?
I’ll not give up you know, the courts will be on my side
Of course they will & no doubt the public too
Yes I’m afraid so it’s just the way it is

Fine, here take everything I have even the shirt off my back
Now that’s going a bit far, all I want is fair compensation
Oh no, I’ve wronged you and insist on giving it all to you
You know I can’t accept too much, all except the shirt

Oh no, I totally insist & furthermore here’s my first born
Now you’re being silly again I should have expected this
No I insist and why stop there? Here’s my soul as well
You really are being so ridiculous, I’m leaving …

Thank fuck for that! You stinking commo bastard!
Here we go, now it’s all coming out – the real you
You betcha! You fleecing pedantic cockroach!
I knew it; you really are quite deranged quite deranged

I tried to tell you but you wouldn’t listen
Oh I already knew from past experience
Yes you did didn’t you, poor little thing
I’m not listening I really must go I have things to do

Of course you do like fleecing some other poor idiot
Not listening, walking away, not listening
Well I shall warn every other poor idiot in this fucking world
Still not listening, walking away, still not listening …