Consider This My Relapse

 It was never
meant to be
a one time affair.
Seperation brings
a hunger
 not for food.
The hardest thing to do is deny.
I can still hear
the reminescent chords
unable to stop
I lose control
start slow
building my stash
breathing
November air in October
consider this my relapse
my head rings with the whine
of a haunting steel guitar
Dad's music
in my room.
Never be a daddy's girl...
Theses silken stars
rattling in my pill box
bring a promise
of a better life
I believe them
some things never change
blame it on the vodka
I never stop
the anti-urge lingers
like velvet
I never say goodbye
the voices
old friends
sing an unknown lullaby
whispering 'we made you'
thats why I didn't answer
though i've so much left to say
envisage
if you will
the spasmodic violence
I have unintentionally released
I can
no way
repay
everything has happened before
i scatter myself
over every fixed star
say hello to heaven
hallucinations
are as close as i shall come
defeated by the
revenge of the shadows
i fall into
a rain full of ghosts
everything has happened before
consider this my relapse
I hide behind it
so they
 never know
some people
you can't reach
they don't want to be saved
the ants go marching
unable to stop
I follow the sound
of a musical tenor voice
i will never meet
I've always been alone
my room littered
withunimportant photographs
becomes
the catacombs of rome
i wander lost
in a sea
of narcotics
the heart is a lonely hunter
searching for
my next fix
stuck in the solstice
never move
will i ever get home?
will
I ever want to?
its hard to tell
this is all i know of heaven while i reside in hell
i should have been more like heer
the weakend strong
Why do you do that?
I still love you
but seperation brings more than silence
you've always wanted what you had
never me
you leave
almost protectivly
you won't
be able
to stop me
this time
you won't i won't
no one will
everything has happened before
unable to stop
consider this

my relapse