deepundergroundpoetry.com
A love far away
Pretty brown eyes
that sparkle in the sun
Your soft brown skin
where I let my hands run,
the smell of summer in your
hair,
how I love to hold your stare,
even though I am not there,
the distance we share
is not in vain
for one day
we will meet again
that sparkle in the sun
Your soft brown skin
where I let my hands run,
the smell of summer in your
hair,
how I love to hold your stare,
even though I am not there,
the distance we share
is not in vain
for one day
we will meet again
Published 3rd Feb 2021
| Edited 5th Feb 2021
Author's Note
This is a poem about a distant relationship... This is my first poem and I welcome both positive and negative feedback
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 2
comments 13
reads 634
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Feb 2021 8:59pm
3rd Feb 2021 9:13pm
Great write look forward to following your journey on the DUP
Love and light
Ron
Love and light
Ron
3rd Feb 2021 9:32pm
4th Feb 2021 00:46am
I wonder if this distant relationship you speak of is your first to know or your first to grow distant? No too shabby for your first piece. I hope to read more from you. Do stop by if you're ever interested.
4th Feb 2021 3:39pm
4th Feb 2021 5:55pm
4th Feb 2021 8:02pm
5th Feb 2021 3:39am
This felt like bittersweet kisses. I enjoy this read, thanks for sharing your first poem.
One thing I will say is that I would have structured the poem differently. Would not change anything else.
Example:
Pretty brown eyes
that sparkle in the sun
your soft brown skin
where I let my hands run,
the smell of summer in your hair,
how I love to hold your stare,
even though I am not there,
the distance we share
is not in vain
for one day
we will meet again
One thing I will say is that I would have structured the poem differently. Would not change anything else.
Example:
Pretty brown eyes
that sparkle in the sun
your soft brown skin
where I let my hands run,
the smell of summer in your hair,
how I love to hold your stare,
even though I am not there,
the distance we share
is not in vain
for one day
we will meet again
5th Feb 2021 6:30am
6th Feb 2021 00:01am
6th Feb 2021 00:14am
Hoping that plans work out but you never really know what will or can happen
15th Feb 2021 10:37am
Anonymous
22nd Mar 2021 11:29pm
I love this. It's sweet
