When the Static is Loudest

Knuckles
[crack]
you
lying here
nothing is ever good enough why aren't I ever good enough?
tired
with a tie and a nametag that says
[nothing at all]
am I [nothing at all]
am I real?
lotion that smells like lavendar and regret
spraycans and
ashtrays and
longing for
[nicotine] for understanding
senseless paintings of time gone by
heart hurts
I hurt
you hurt me
I hurt you
my [head] hurts
thinking of dying
but never enough
courage, dear
keep flushing
keep going
get it all out
what does anything matter?
endless
pointless
[heartless]
thoughtless
I am nothing like I thought I would be but
neither are you and
neither is he
there is no reason
there is no rhythm only
pop cans and
keep typing, there has to be more
there has to be more
there is always more
[you could be so much more if you just tried a little more]
maybe not anymore
[no more, please no more]
it hurts my heart and I can't
bear it maybe I should
bare it: my soul or my body
or maybe they're the same
keep rambling keep
going there's more to this golem than
meets the rabbi or something like that
things keep changing but I'm still the same
I keep changing but things are still the same
no time because of time
I will die whether I contemplate it
rings and sweaters and countryside views that take the
[breath]
out of me and I think of
you I think of
catfish I think of
Christmas trees and
wonder how I got to this little room
[with you]
but without you
because I was never enough
and now I'm here
and you're here but
you don't hear
what I want you to so badly
I'm done rambling but it doesn't make it any better and
I want to sleep until I
[die.]