One Night At A Time

I have many demons
And they love to make themselves known
Particularly at night
When I’m so desperate for sleep
My will to keep them at bay wavers
Too tired to fight back
So I let them in
They grab and pin me down
Make me think of terrible things
Make me feel worthless and a burden
It’s taken many years to stop listening
To stop cutting myself just because they tell me to
It doesn’t get any easier
But I know the guilt would be stronger
So I resist
As much as I desperately want to fall back into my old ways
I won’t allow myself
I tried turning to people
But no one is ever awake when I need help
So I turn to writing
Writing whatever spills out until the urge to cut is gone
I can’t rely on other people
But I can rely on myself
I say to wait just a minute
Then two
Then five
On and on
Until I say to wait until tomorrow
Maybe then I won’t feel so bad
Maybe then I’ll say to wait another day
That’s how its been almost a year
And I’ll be damned if I break that now
So I sit here
With my demons
Fending them off
Until they are the ones tired
And I no longer feel the need to listen to them