2021 Resolution (2020 Resolution. Pt. 2)

Hey,
I still keep my hands in my pockets.
What I didn't tell you a year ago was that it was to hide the tremors.
I can't say if they were withdrawals or medication side effects.  
They said it would last awhile...I thought I'd tell you they're gone now.
Now I just fidget from anxiety.
Back to normal I guess...
The coping skills have helped alot...
And this year, well, it's been a weird year for EVERYONE.
I know this thought is selfish but...but it's nice to not feel alone about it this time...
 
The neuropathy is letting up. People don't notice how I walk anymore unless I tell them.
That's nice.
I'm floating around 155-160 pounds....40-45 pounds lost since the hospital. I weigh less than when I was...well before everything went downhill...I mentioned it to my doctor. She didn't seem worried? I forgot to ask what the big deal about going under 160 was...again...
I started drinking coffee though. It seemed to help with work...12 hour days get long. I rationalize it by putting it under my whole...trying to get back to how I was before 2011...
I'm still saving money, still getting to things early, still flossing....
...
..
.
..
...
Still Bored
*sigh*
...The boredom is getting worse now though ya know?
I'm coming more...or at least....understanding myself more...
The depression still gets bad though...real bad...always looming...
It's like that shitty friend that just calls or shows up on your day off unannounced and asks if you have plans? And you can't say no. Not yet at least. I have to work on that still...
I told my therapist that.
She laughed and nodded.
 
I haven't hurt myself.
I've been keeping that promise....
Actually....I've kept...almost all of them...
I just sort of thought it would be more rewarding?
I still just feel this limbo....it feels like floating in a shallow pool sometimes.
Feet dragging the bottom.
I told her that as well.
She didn't laugh, just another nod.
 
So I guess nothing much has changed.
and I probably won't make a resolution this year either.
Like you said,
'Stop worrying about dumb stuff like that...'
I wish we had plans this time around...
But you know...