The hilarity of understanding affairs.

I've been laughing at the absurdity of it all lately Rose.
You seem to keep being right, even now, 10 years later.  
Not just the drinking no  
But my mental health being on the edge.  
  
You warned me that I wouldn't be able to keep up with it.  
With myself,  
everything around me.  
That it was all just to much, alone.  
That if I would just accept help  
If I would just slow down  
If I would reach out and ask...  
   
I understand now why you left for another more and more the further I get from it.  
You weren't happy.  
I wouldn't truly relate to that feeling for the following three years.  
It took an affair of my own.
I tried fooling myself  
and was never happy with the girl after you.  
It turned into being stuck. Captive.  
And I knew it.  
The only difference was, I didn't have the guts to leave of my own volition.  
Once again proving you were better.  
Instead I sat and waited in your foreseen drunken misery throughout that six year relationship.    
Stumbling.  
Always stumbling.  
   
You yelled at me "I KNOW YOU KNOW HOW YOU ARE! HOW YOU THINK."  
and I would squirm and frustratingly say 'I don't know what you are talking about!'  
and continue writing those silly poems...  
   
It wasn't a lie though.  
I truly didn't understand.  
And now here I am,  
at another desk,  
staring out yet another office window.  
   
laughing maniacally  
In all of its relevance