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it's gotten harder to cry, I've found.
it used to come so easily.
but now it's like admitting to something
I can't bear owning up to.

admitting sadness through
tear-soaked shirt sleeves
saturated with salty,
unnatural shame.

the lump in my throat makes
my words shake and swell
until they just can't come out
anymore.
And they're building up behind
that lump because it's metastasized
into more than just
a thought
or a feeling.

or a way to protect myself.

my eyes well up with tears that
my pride won't let me acknowledge.
and I wonder when I grew up
and got an ego.

and I wonder how love can be so stifiling;
apathy, so freeing.
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Written by SunshineRedirected (anita marie)
Published
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