Normal is the best therapy there is!!!

WOW! it just never occurred to me,
It was never there on my infected blind mind..
I just took it for granted our future was mapped,
Together, by each others side..
Us fighting battles but they would often happen,
Smiling,crying fuming at injustice walking Betty🐾and laughing..
Our respective offspring grown”our time” had finally come,
But we bumbled along singing different songs,
As the moon bids farewell to the sun..

I did not come to you,
For in my private suffering was embarrassment and shame,
You had enough on your plate and the space wasn’t great,
While my Demons were stabbing my brain..
I left NA scared of facing my step 4,
The step that would’ve got me somewhere over the line,
Stumbling blindly on when you needed me most,
I failed you, Myself and our children one too many times,
Addiction one, Ian & Nicola nil,
And that for me to swallow,
Is the bitterest cruellest pill...

I have no resentments,
I am not bitter nor cold,
In fact I feel the opposite of all those things,
Is now on my truth that is here,,told..
I had no choice but to return to NA when you left,
Or I will surely die,
Now having the sponsor I needed the first time,
Not a day goes by when I don’t break down and cry..
To be gently peeled back like an onion,
Then put back together again..
But I get by with a little help from my friends,
And bathe in the soft healing tears that rain..
It’s a process,, nowhere does it say recovery is easy,
In fact it’s beyond fucking tough,
But what choice do we have when there is no going back,
Well enough is enough is enough...

It’s a simple at times as an” Attitude and gratitude check“
And feeling that having “enough is a feast“
And that the “little things” are really the “big things“
That fight off the Demons and beasts,,
My tenacious northern strength and humour,
Will get me through this day and night mare,
And I’ll come dancing out the other side,
Like a newborn Fred Astaire...

Hey!! You are not here to witness,
That the most beautiful things take time to mature..
But it’s okay!! I shall love you from afar within my heart,
With lessons I learn now and not ignore....