deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Suicide Project
I killed myself.
Did anyone know that?
I did, really I did.
On Janurary the 20th,
right after third period.
I left my school,
I was having a bad day--
afraid to go to class.
I told my Vice Priicipal this,
and that I wanted to talk to
the school counselor (who of
course was not in) and so I
couldn't see her and was told
to go back to class,
stop skipping with other
people-- The ones that can
actually graduated, unlike
me the senior with 15 credits.
Stop corrupting society,
stop not doing work,
stop skipping class,
just stop--
That's what her words really meant,
I told my friend
that I couldn't do it.
And slowly a plan hatched in my brain,
I would leave and tell them that I tried to die.
Let's test the place that's always testing me:
What would they do if they were the cause of
a child attempting to commit suicide?
So I left.
I called my mom.
She picked me up.
I told her what happen.
She agreed with me--
The school is a bunch of idiots that only care about a student when they do something wrong.
Otherwise they are never heard of and never seen.
I cried.
I was tired.
My boyfriend called me.
My friend told me after I left she cried.
They were worried about me,
and I was worried about them.
But the school did not notice that
I had left.
I e-mailed my English teacher because
she is my favorite teacher
and I told her that
I had attempted to kill myself
which by that time
I might have actually done.
The plan was getting bigger,
the lies thicker--
But it would be worth it in the end.
I sent the e-mail. . .
I wanted my favorite teacher to at least
care, considering that I had skipped her
class third period that same day.
I waited. . .
And waited. . .
And waited. . .
But I never got a reply,
and that's when I had enough.
And I took matters into my own hands
time to die,
time to disappear,
fake my own suicide (attempt)
and see what the world does.
I am the destructors
and I am going to tear apart
Ole' Misery's house from the inside out
just because
I want to,
because I can.
I told my mother--
my boyfriend--
my best friend--
my therapist--
And they all went along
with it.
I was really going to see
what was going to happen,
what this place that was
designed to help
going to do when
they found out that one
of their students tried to kill herself?
It was mid-term week,
if I was going to attept to kill myself
it was going to be on a week
that a normal student
that wants to graduate
would not miss.
My mother called every morning,
she asked to speak
to the attendence officer,
the vice principal,
the principal--
Each time, she was told they were busy
or they were not in today.
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
And then Friday, after picking my boyfriend up from school
my mother gets a call
from the officer
at my school
and he tells my mother:
"Your daughter came to school today,
only went to first period and
then skipped the rest of the
day."
I had been home all day long.
They didn't notice
when I did walk out of school.
They didn't notice
when my mother called them every day
for four days and said that her daughter
tried to kill herself.
But they did notice
when I am there even
thought I was not there,
and then instead of thinking
that the teacher might have
marked me present
by mistake--
No.
They automatically assume,
that I left--
That I skipped.
Maybe now is a good time to actually kill myself?
The school doesn't care if I am dead or alive?
Considering they were suppose to be under
the assumption that I was being
hospitalized, but they instead call up
and ask if I had skipped the rest of my
classes after first period
on a day that I didn't come in at all?
Because that makes sense.
That makes perfect sense.
I am obviously the wrong one
for thinking that
I could pull one
over on the school.
Because no matter
what I am a felon
in their eyes,
and I am wanted by them;
dead or alive.
Did anyone know that?
I did, really I did.
On Janurary the 20th,
right after third period.
I left my school,
I was having a bad day--
afraid to go to class.
I told my Vice Priicipal this,
and that I wanted to talk to
the school counselor (who of
course was not in) and so I
couldn't see her and was told
to go back to class,
stop skipping with other
people-- The ones that can
actually graduated, unlike
me the senior with 15 credits.
Stop corrupting society,
stop not doing work,
stop skipping class,
just stop--
That's what her words really meant,
I told my friend
that I couldn't do it.
And slowly a plan hatched in my brain,
I would leave and tell them that I tried to die.
Let's test the place that's always testing me:
What would they do if they were the cause of
a child attempting to commit suicide?
So I left.
I called my mom.
She picked me up.
I told her what happen.
She agreed with me--
The school is a bunch of idiots that only care about a student when they do something wrong.
Otherwise they are never heard of and never seen.
I cried.
I was tired.
My boyfriend called me.
My friend told me after I left she cried.
They were worried about me,
and I was worried about them.
But the school did not notice that
I had left.
I e-mailed my English teacher because
she is my favorite teacher
and I told her that
I had attempted to kill myself
which by that time
I might have actually done.
The plan was getting bigger,
the lies thicker--
But it would be worth it in the end.
I sent the e-mail. . .
I wanted my favorite teacher to at least
care, considering that I had skipped her
class third period that same day.
I waited. . .
And waited. . .
And waited. . .
But I never got a reply,
and that's when I had enough.
And I took matters into my own hands
time to die,
time to disappear,
fake my own suicide (attempt)
and see what the world does.
I am the destructors
and I am going to tear apart
Ole' Misery's house from the inside out
just because
I want to,
because I can.
I told my mother--
my boyfriend--
my best friend--
my therapist--
And they all went along
with it.
I was really going to see
what was going to happen,
what this place that was
designed to help
going to do when
they found out that one
of their students tried to kill herself?
It was mid-term week,
if I was going to attept to kill myself
it was going to be on a week
that a normal student
that wants to graduate
would not miss.
My mother called every morning,
she asked to speak
to the attendence officer,
the vice principal,
the principal--
Each time, she was told they were busy
or they were not in today.
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
And then Friday, after picking my boyfriend up from school
my mother gets a call
from the officer
at my school
and he tells my mother:
"Your daughter came to school today,
only went to first period and
then skipped the rest of the
day."
I had been home all day long.
They didn't notice
when I did walk out of school.
They didn't notice
when my mother called them every day
for four days and said that her daughter
tried to kill herself.
But they did notice
when I am there even
thought I was not there,
and then instead of thinking
that the teacher might have
marked me present
by mistake--
No.
They automatically assume,
that I left--
That I skipped.
Maybe now is a good time to actually kill myself?
The school doesn't care if I am dead or alive?
Considering they were suppose to be under
the assumption that I was being
hospitalized, but they instead call up
and ask if I had skipped the rest of my
classes after first period
on a day that I didn't come in at all?
Because that makes sense.
That makes perfect sense.
I am obviously the wrong one
for thinking that
I could pull one
over on the school.
Because no matter
what I am a felon
in their eyes,
and I am wanted by them;
dead or alive.
Published 29th Jan 2012
| Edited 14th Sep 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 680
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Feb 2012 2:18pm
Is this for real? Cuz if it is, it's just sad... Stupid schools.. stupid modern society. Nothing you do will help unless it influences them totally negatively...
9th Feb 2012 2:12am
Sadly this is true, I did this just to see what would happen, if my school would do anything about it. And in reality, they didn't do anything.
