psychosis

i have these images that i see in my mind
wish I could be with my own kind
I search for a fix
something to take the edge off

I see symbols sometimes the head of the devil
I see these deformed heads of different people
I see shadows sometimes I see a blue light
I also space out something I can't control

you can be talking to me
then I go to this space for a bit
it's bad that people can notice it now
as I try to fight these monsters

it feels no one really get it
no one wants to hear about it
they don't want the emotions or see the symptoms
they want me to put on a mask

I want to feel normal
maybe because that what your suppose to do
what if I'm different
what if I see things in a different way

at night these monsters come back
so I say here it comes again
they seem so normal now
they have kept their distance

the medication works for that at night
I'm asleep so they cant come back
but during the day they come around
I guess healing takes time

my only complaint about the medication
is during the day is hard to concentrate
i space out more
I need some more time

I cant hear voices that bother me
I see images in my head
some are flashbacks or things I mentioned above
it's sad when you think at that moment you're not enough

I drown myself in anxiety and depression
for a while, I didn't want medication
I didn't want to try
now I'm fighting

it's sad when you're just surviving not living
when the panic attacks come in feels like I'm not breathing
this is something I don't wish on anyone
there's no off switch