Struggle

4:00 AM and it's dark out
The pond of happiness suffering from a drought
I stare at my phone, feeling alone
wondering where did my love for life go
I close my eyes
I think of a time
Where I can hold a girl that loves me,
maybe even start a family of my own
They told me love was eternal
But the longest I've had love was maybe a few months
I keep all feelings of "happiness" external
Cause I think we both know there isn't any on the internal
Going to bed is a mess
My head is pain and then I begin to sweat
Ball up and ponder on all my regrets
Emotion has become nothing but dread
These feelings pace and pace and pace with no clear end
I wish that I could find love
Or even just some relationship that I can be proud of
Someone that can look at my pain and let me just let go of-
All the regrets
All the mistakes
All of the broken hearts and effort misplaced
Someone who can say that "It is OK"
I don't need someone who's great
I don't care if they're the prettiest
or smartest
or hottest
or modest
As long it's anyone I'll be,
astonished
accomplished
polished
maybe actually want to do something with my life
other than sit around and just lay here mindlessly numb
I'll think about her all the time, maybe have a little bit of fun
Not be a sensitive failure
despite being that to all of my friends and my family
I try to do my best
To out-do the rest
but even at the end of the day
no matter my efforts
everyone is still upset
I'll just have to face it
I am a failure
No wonder everyone distastes me
If I had to list every negative emotion these lyrics would be impossibly long
Surprisingly, I'm still going strong
I haven't given up yet
And I don't plan to anytime soon
But until I find a girl
to say "I miss you" to
then it's gonna be trouble
but I'll keep working through the struggle.