All you got

Through my crystalball
Sleep deprived i see all
You sheepish little twit
Playing coyly at adult games
You know who you are
I need say no names
Deviant in your desire
To have me fall out myself
I seem to be out of reach
Its because i am
Atleast to a leach
Like you a succubus
Im tired of wanting you
To love and respect me
Its time for me to love an respect myself
Tired of putting my wants on that shelf
You mistreat and neglect me
How will i see past your needs
Cause i ve lost the me here
Ive let you and others like you defeat me
Unfortunately i defeat myself
Self loatheing and disregarded goals
Loss of hope home and heart
If i gave it to them theyd just rip it apart
Surrender isnt an option
Retreat i wouldnt dare
If on my path ifAltered you wouldnt stop
Or care
My envious enemies only strngthen my resolve
You haters keep on hateing
Cause you make me more famous everyday
You are the hatred i am the love
We are the fire that lights from above
On this direction ive labored far too long
I used to thi nk id gain character
That this pain and turmoil would make me strong
But as i lay here wounded  i realize i was wrong
as i bleed out what went in
Im shamefully aware that all ive given
To myself and others is dispair
I strut with my swager like i dont have a care
This world isnt anyones oyster
Its a fuckin clam a gooeyduck
And no sugar coated candy rainbows
That pot of gold with any luck
Wont be just a bowlof glass
Sparkling like diamonds in the light of day
Only upon closer inspection
To be colored glass full of imperfection
So my children become accustomed to dissapointment
Because for the handful of great things youll experiance
Theres a fuckin mudslide of pain youll endure
For this tattered heart still beating
I look to heaven my eyes and wrists bleeding
I raise myself up to him and he allows me not
For in this life you are all you got